In Memory of Sushant Singh Rajput

'Bring me Sushant, bring him bring him bring him! From wherever you can, however you can, bring him! I can't live without him! I need Sushant need him need him!!!'

---Titli posted on her sister-in-law's wall.

She had just watched 'Kai Po Che.' Ever since, she'd been completely swept away. She couldn't see anyone but Sushant before her eyes.

The very next day, her sister-in-law posted on Titli's wall: There you crazy girl, I've brought him for you! Happy now?

Yes, that same day my biodata had arrived at their house.

Titli was truly amazed! A boy with the exact same name had sent a marriage proposal to their house, and that too the very day after watching the movie! How was such a coincidence even possible! God truly existed!

Then. She and I spoke. That very night. After nearly an hour and a half of negotiations through one of her friends (my former student) about who would call first, she finally made the call.

'What kind of man are you that you can't call a girl yourself? Don't you feel ashamed? Shame on you! Despite so many requests, you're making me make the call! I've never seen such an ego-driven, stupid boy in my life!'

This was our first conversation, and that's exactly how it began! At that time, my ego regarding girls was at epic levels! And Titli was incredibly stubborn by nature too.

First apologies, then scolding, and finally through normal conversation we spent the entire night talking. I still remember sitting on the floor of the balcony outside my room, talking with her as I watched the dawn light break.

Apparently, the very first reason Titli liked me was---my name was Sushant! Can you believe it! She constantly talked to me about Sushant Singh Rajput. Sushant this, Sushant that! Why aren't you like him? And I burned with jealousy. She kept telling me to watch 'Kai Po Che.' I stubbornly refused out of anger. I had another motive too---to annoy her. Annoying girls and having heaven in your hands---same thing. Back then I got diabolical pleasure from getting girls worked up.

Before meeting Titli, I'd never even heard Sushant Singh Rajput's name. I'd always been very selective about movies. I never had the time to just watch any random movie. I only watched 'Kai Po Che' to make Titli happy. (Though she did watch my favorite movie 'Life Is Beautiful' to make me happy too.) Then I myself fell in love with Sushant Singh Rajput! What a wonderful guy! The year was 2013.

Much later I watched MS Dhoni: The Untold Story, PK. Among the few worthy successors Bollywood found to the three Khans, Sushant Singh Rajput was one. Especially after seeing his performance in 'MS Dhoni: The Untold Story,' I felt genuine respect!

Reading the news of his suicide today has truly stunned me! I'm feeling a kind of mental anguish. Half the stories Titli used to tell me were about Sushant Singh Rajput. What he was doing, where he'd gone, what his personal life was like---Titli knew it all by heart. Later, I enjoyed hearing about it too. You enjoy hearing about what the person you love enjoys.

People truly have so many kinds of sorrows. You can't tell anything from the outside. Smiling faces, success, wealth and status, words, externalities---none of it can tell the real truth about anyone. Never ever ever! Those who seem the happiest are actually, mostly, the most skilled actors! Rather, people with small sorrows cry out in anguish the most! The more sorrow someone carries in their chest, the more smile is plastered on their face. This smile is called the 'media smile.' There's no greater suffering than the suffering of the heart.

At the end of the day, guru Ayub Bachchu spoke the truth---actually no one is happy...there's no more truthful utterance than this.