If I Must Flee

 
Fine, don't love me then,
but when I'm walking and grow weary, when I stumble to a stop,
let me stay a while near you—
nameless, shapeless, unchanging...
let it be—in any form, in any way.

You don't quite understand these things; you don't even try.
I hold no anger against you, you bear no grudge against me,
between you and me, between me and you...perhaps there's nothing at all...

That day you said, 'May you have at least a dozen good marriages!'
Do you know how furious I was? Always joking...does it feel good, tell me?
I wanted to blurt out...
'You become the groom, I'll marry you a thousand dozen times over!'

Sometimes I think I'll never return to you again,
won't read you. Won't see you.
Won't want to speak another word, ever.
But then, it only stays a thought!

I know that none of my feelings
match even a single thought of yours, not in the slightest!
If they did, my longing would touch you, at least a little!

My heart lies always with you, all the time.
I'm not saying I keep returning to you again and again,
I'm only trying to say, you exist in everything I am.

Why don't you keep me well?
On the phone, we never...really talk, just pass some time.
If we talked, this restlessness wouldn't work so hard inside me.

I complain to you so much, don't I?
Why don't you answer calls,
why don't you speak properly,
why don't you meet me,...and so much more!
Yes, I do. Why I do it, even I don't know.

That you cause me pain...
either you don't understand, or you understand and stay silent.
Whatever happens, just stay.

And yes, if someone has to run away someday, I'll run—you don't.
If you run, living will hurt me terribly!