I was fine, wasn't I

Seeking you in this lost heart,
keeping you alive a little more, day and night—
I was fine this way, wasn't I!

In the pretense of your games, in your forgetting, I lived bit by bit.
I was fine, wasn't I!
Crushed under the weight of your ledger of needs, gasping for breath, I lived.
I was fine, wasn't I!
Hunted by tear-thieves in sky and air, I lived crying out.
I was fine, wasn't I!
In the guise of your words, soaking life in tears, I lived drenched.
I was fine, wasn't I!
Trampled by the deception of your behavior, somehow I lived in hurt and reproach.
I was fine, wasn't I!
Knowing full well, trying to build a home in the quicksand of your love, sinking as I lived.
I was fine, wasn't I!
Swallowing the poison called 'trust,' stumbling even before hope, dying as I lived.
I was fine, wasn't I!
In the charade and theatrics of your life, painted in those colors, losing the familiar stage as I lived.
I was fine, wasn't I!
Becoming your daily necessity, tearing and wringing myself empty and hollow, I lived.
I was fine, wasn't I!

Part truth, part lie—accepting this mixture,
becoming a plaything whenever you wished, I was quite fine, wasn't I!