: Before you, my life was just books, movies, music, and Facebook. Being alone felt like the right choice—everything around me was fine, no complications, nothing to regret. Then one day it hit me: the real problem with all of that was the silence. There was no one to talk to. That's why I needed you.
: Why me?
: I don't know, honestly. One day I just realized I wanted to meet a beautiful girl who was unattached and would admit it to me.
: And then you left. Absolutely ridiculous!
: Except for your vanity and that whole "career first, life later" thing, I like everything about you—what you have and what you don't. You'll go far in this world, but not if I'm beside you. That's exactly why I've stepped away.
: Don't say "everything." I wish you'd liked at least something about me. Now you claim you like it all? That's rich!
: You're a masterpiece of God—just like everyone else, if we're being honest—you belong to yourself and to your own family. No one on this earth deserves you.
: No, no, no! No one on this earth understands me. But there's someone, deep in my heart, someone I miss every moment and truly want. Never mind, just forget it.
: Maybe your own family understands. Maybe that's why they get defensive when others try. So stay with yourself, stay with your family, and above all—be happy. Alone or with someone, it doesn't matter. Just be happy.
: You don't care what I think, how much I miss you, or when I need you. You've built your own world and locked everyone else out. You have no idea who misses you, how desperately she wants you, how shattered she feels when you don't answer.
: If you miss someone, tell them before it's too late. When we don't decide, God decides for us. That's the way the world works. The tragedy of precious moments is they slip away too quickly.
: Hahahaha…
: Smile, Arundhati. God smiles back. Whether you like it or not, He will.
: What are you saying, Aryan?
: I don't know. If I did, at least I could brag about understanding something.
: You're vain too, even if you can't see it. You say and do things that boast without you meaning to, but the meaning is there all the same. It used to hurt when people said harsh things about you; it still does. You'll never understand that. You think girls like me aren't marriage material. But I know who I am, so I don't think about it at all. Life isn't the way you imagine it. You have your philosophy, and so do I. Maybe we just failed to understand each other. That's fine. We can't see our own backs—and yes, that's not really the problem. The problem is we're comfortable forgetting that others can see them. It's natural, I suppose. I know these words mean nothing to you.
You’ll humiliate me whenever you post these things on Facebook. Fine. I’ve grown accustomed to the sting.
: Forget everyone’s feelings; let them feel whatever they damn well please. I’ve never expected the world to be happy with who I am, how I am, why I’m the way I am… I simply don’t care whether people who can’t accept me, who are always hunting for my faults but never once acknowledge the few good things I possess, stay in my life or vanish. Even if they don’t leave, I’ll leave them. Sometimes solitude is a stroke of luck, and even better—being with someone, if you’re fortunate enough, or at least someone who can live peacefully with your flaws. Everyone has flaws, but not everyone knows how to hide them. Some women prefer liars, I know that. But I’m not clever enough to be two-faced. I can barely manage the one face I have—how could I possibly manage another? haha… Better to be a rogue than a hypocrite. I’m sorry I never told you or your family what I never thought, never believed.
: Why not say it plainly—you’re happier without me? Nothing new there. You always were!
: You’ve misunderstood again. Let me explain (though I believe love needs no explanation). I’m happy without your family; that’s all. Never without you. You still mean everything to me. I hope that’s clear. Your family is too arrogant for me to bear. They should find your boy some spineless wretch they can boss around however they like. You don’t always have to display and announce what you’ve achieved. If you’ve truly accomplished something, people will see it. It’s foolish to underestimate those who won’t boast. Those who can’t go further—they’re the ones who brag, who tell the world where they stop. What you brag about defines your limit, your capacity. When your journey isn’t finished, you walk. You don’t turn to others and say—Look! I’m the only one on earth who can walk!
: You want to make me cry again. I know it—you’ll start rebuking me soon, and like always, I’ll break down. You terrify me. You only frighten, frighten; you never love. I love to study. That’s the crime in your eyes. Fine. Go ahead—rebuke me. I have no one here to stop my tears. I feel so helpless.
: Don’t misunderstand me.
: No no, rebuke me! I’ll keep crying. All you want is my tears.
: Don’t cry. I don’t deserve them. And you have no one around to stop you? No. You’ll always find someone. Someone who stops me from hurting you like this—someone who believes no soul on earth can make you cry quite like I can, just as no one else can make you smile the way I do, and mean it.
I’ve time to cry for you & wait for you to make me smile, but you have no time to cry for me, huh? As long as you’re caught in this cycle, don’t expect anyone else to make you cry, make you smile, upset you, bring you joy. Your family has claimed you in such a way that it keeps everyone else at bay. And the strangest thing? YOU ARE PERFECTLY CONTENT WITH IT! So go ahead, be happy with your family, your career, your life, your vanity, your beliefs… My dear, only peace and happiness matter—with or without anyone, with or without anything. Be however you wish to be. Forgive me for not becoming what you and your family wanted me to become. I simply wanted to live a life before I die, not to run myself ragged in this senseless race. The trouble with that race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat. I’ve always wanted to be human, not a rat. I believe in living for a job, not making a job your life. I can’t plan for a decade when I’m too busy living these ten seconds. I dwell in the present moment. I have no grand ambitions. For me, life is simply living without regret. No lofty dreams! Dreams just happen when two people meet, don’t they? A dream is being content with the beauty of small things—myself, my family, kind people around me. Sorry for such a small vision. And forget everything I’ve written; these are just soliloquies, nothing but soliloquies. My life means nothing. Life is an old tale told by an idiot.
: It’s you who left me. You never understood me, did you?
: No, no—you and your family made me leave; your family, to be exact. I still wonder how much ruder a person could possibly be!!! I’m sorry, forgive me. And perhaps you wanted it this way; I understood later. How foolish I was!!! In love, there is only foolishness. I don’t regret it. I was right, and I had every right to be an emotional fool! When you love someone, you cannot leave. You cannot! You can do whatever the hell you please, but you cannot abandon them. Yet you did. Never mind—just be happy in whatever way you and your family choose. I’ve troubled you so much, ruined your studies, your career. Your father, your family, and unfortunately you yourself believe this!!! How powerless I felt. You have no idea. Please don’t cry—I don’t deserve your tears, truly I don’t!
(……silence……)
: I felt tears coming, so I stepped away from the conversation. I’m sorry. You know I have problems in my head. So marry soon. Otherwise, I’ll come knocking and torment you forever. I promise you that!
: No, no—I’m happy being single. I didn’t see it before. Being single is wonderful, really it is! Hahaha…
: What do you mean? I don’t understand.
: Thank God you don’t! If you could, your CGPA would drop!
Be happy with being dumb enough to score higher CGPA!
: Uffffff…………. You’ve still stayed impossible!! At least tell me what I’ve not understood. Please!
: I’m not gifted like you are. If you can’t grasp it, how am I supposed to? If I were clever, I’d have gotten the grades you did. And then people couldn’t push me around the way they do! Now I get it—girls with high CGPAs shouldn’t let boys fall for them! They’ve only got one thing in their heads: Study! Study!! ……… Nothing else matters, love least of all! For a girl to score high, she can’t have common sense, a sense of humor, or the capacity to love. Isn’t that how it works!
: You still have the nerve to call me ‘gifted’? Well well………
: And you still think I was put on this earth just to get married, not to graduate from Harvard, right?
: What are you trying to say?
: Nothing, same as always—just nonsense! I’m still mad, you see.
: I still don’t understand what’s got you so worked up! Just tell me straight.
: Hahahaha………… Forget it, just forget it! You and your family have never cared two cents about what I think or don’t think. You’re a genius, go find yourself another genius. I’ll bet your kids will be wonders of the world! Forgive me for my crude words.
: You deserve a good punch on the nose. RIGHT NOW! ………. Aren’t you going out for an afternoon walk? If you can, wear something blue today—a shirt or a T-shirt. Not that you always have to wear black to turn heads! hahaha………
: OMG! You’re still here with me!!! What does that mean! Are you in love again? How is that even possible!!
: Don’t say ‘again’. It’s always been this way! I’m not like you. Huh! Maybe I still love you, otherwise why would you still be haunting me!
: Oh ‘maybe’. So you’re still unsure. Girls have a gift for confusion; ALWAYS! I see!
: Let it go. I’ve told you what I feel. I’m still crazy about you.
: You could never be as crazy as I am, only because you’ve got a good CGPA. You’re not that kind of person. Top students are desperate only for marks, not for love. Or maybe I just don’t have what it takes to drive you wild.
: Why are you always hunting for a fight? Just say you won’t wear blue. That’s it! Why all this wordplay!! It’s disgusting!! And don’t forget—marry soon.
: No, I won’t. You marry first. I’ve decided not to marry until you do. I want to prove you never really loved me.
: No no no!! Get married tomorrow, today even! Otherwise you’ll wreck my peace and I’ll wreck yours. I’m exhausted. I’m going to sleep now. Why do you always have to be so quarrelsome? Even a woman couldn’t argue like you, I’d wager!
: I’ll be busy tomorrow. I’ll have to sleep all day, no time for marriage. Sorry!
And I like to pick fights. All right then—from now on, I’ll quarrel with other girls. I promise I won’t bother you anymore!
: Listen, Mr! Don’t pretend with me. I know you’re already doing this with other girls. Girls are such fools! They have nothing better to do! Idiots, the lot of them!!
: Hey! Don’t you dare scold girls in front of me! It wounds me! I love them all.
(……….long silence…………..)
: Hello? Are you there? Hello……………