From Nobody to Becoming Somebody

(So far, I’ve spoken at seventy career sessions. The first one was at CUET campus. Curiously, the seventieth also took place at CUET.) At that session, I handed out copies of the following essay to everyone present.

I am, academically speaking, an accidental engineer. At one point, I had no desire whatsoever to complete my honors degree. I could find no compelling reason to finish it. I couldn’t understand what lay ahead. I had started a business and nursed dreams of becoming a business magnate. I was quite content with my routine—business, reading, sharing thoughts with friends on various blogs and Facebook, watching movies, listening to music. I remember deliberately leaving my final semester project unfinished for a long time. It was my own fault, entirely intentional. My project supervisor, Saki Kausar sir, was an extremely stern and demanding man with a heart of stone. I began working at least four and a half years after my peers. It was 2010. The ICT Festival was underway at CUET auditorium. The alumni from the ’02 batch were announcing where they worked, what positions they held. I alone had nothing to say. I wasn’t doing anything that everyone understood as ‘doing something.’ I felt like dying from shame. Such mortification! The feeling of wanting to cry but being unable to—that’s infinitely more painful. Especially when everyone around you wants you to become something you don’t want to be, you feel utterly helpless. Because I couldn’t accept becoming such a thing, I’ve reached this position today. I used to think that at the end of the day, I would have to live with the ‘me’ that was truly mine, not the ‘me’ that everyone expected. I was quite content being myself, in my own way. Instead of wasting the time meant for sleep, I spent my waking hours dreaming. So many dreams! Of every color and kind. In others’ eyes, I had mere existence (if even that), no real entity at all. Yes, that’s how I was. A nobody. Yet to myself, I was always special—as everyone is, after all! Being a nobody in this world isn’t pleasant. Whatever anyone says, one thing is certain: for nobodies, this world reserves nothing but nothingness. We can never imagine where life will take us. Life is always stranger than fiction. Many of us know our limitations. Yet I believe most of us fail to recognize where our strengths lie. That’s why we lack the courage to dream big. Sometimes we’re afraid to wait for something good, even though that very good thing waits for us. This is what happens with careers.

Anyway, I somehow managed to graduate with a mere 2.74 CGPA. Around this time, an old ghost suddenly possessed my mind anew—I would become a writer, a philosopher. Small spirits periodically possess my mind. These spirits grow up, become human. It’s an old habit. My passion and feeling for the BCS exam isn’t very old. Rather, compared to many of my comrades, I had to wait far less time. Like many of you, I had a problem. The problem was that it took me nearly twenty years to decide what I actually wanted to become. Yet once I made that decision, it took me only a few months to reach my goal. Decision is what builds the bridge between your present position and your career. A few days before the 30th BCS exam circular was published, I learned about BCS from two friends. That was my first introduction to BCS. I still remember how much I enjoyed that day. For some reason, I kept feeling that the time had come for my dreams to change course; though the inclination to become a writer persisted. I thought joining civil service would make becoming a writer easier. A single conversation can turn your life around completely, literally make you do a U-turn! My dream journey began. Whenever I made any decision, big or small, I always had the support of my parents and younger brother. When family stands by you, your inner strength multiplies greatly. Whatever I truly want becomes more important to me than all the wanting in the world. I’ve always felt a thrill in playing with alternative paths rather than conventional ones. I thought, that’s also a path, after all. Just because ten people call something wrong doesn’t make it wrong. There are some mistakes that leave you regretting not making them for the rest of your life. If you spend your life merely compromising, when will you truly live? You must live a little, somehow, before death arrives. Life didn’t come with a user manual, after all. What’s the obligation then? Let’s be a little experimental! These were my thoughts.

Life is like the shoes of all the world’s long-distance runners. It must be broken in. Yet life sometimes stops short. The yearning to be free, even knowing freedom is uncertain—it’s as pointless as it is intense. I understand very well the agony of remaining nameless and unknown. I spent many days caught in this dilemma: is confidence necessary for success, or is success necessary for confidence? I always believed that living without regret was itself success. I remember those difficult days quite clearly. My thoughts, my work—everything had become centered around one thing: my dreams. Walking with eyes closed through a dust storm is perilous, but even more painful is when you see the storm has ended, yet simply because you never learned to walk, you cannot traverse the path that so many others have taken. If the phoenix metaphor doesn’t seem too extravagant, then one could say that like this bird, our dreams die and live again repeatedly. Dreams sometimes shatter; they don’t float away and disappear. Sometimes, your very existence feels like a guest. I desperately wanted to sing about the darkness I was drowning in. The weary ‘I’ inside would rebel, and I would consciously stop it. If you don’t think at least five or six times while doing any work—this is beyond me, I can’t do it anymore, I should give up this time—then you can assume you haven’t even begun the work yet. I think this saying belongs to Shah Rukh Khan. Sometimes my inner self would declare rebellion, would rebel; yet I always fought with myself. I would often tell myself: If you are not thinking about your dream, you are not thinking at all. I thought I might lose myself entirely! Only tough people survive in tough times’ current—this understanding always guided me. Destiny was my ally. I didn’t lose! I still remember how we all waited with eager anticipation for the 30th BCS exam results. Finally, the results came out. The date was November 2nd. It was my birthday. How strange, isn’t it? Tears of joy came to my eyes. For the first time in my life, I received such a huge birthday gift from the Creator. Whether you call this a miracle or mere coincidence, I personally believe: Miracles happen when you believe. Yes, miracles do happen! I was always sincere toward my dreams; perhaps that’s why my dreams showed sincerity toward me in the end. This mutual interaction between dreams and reality—it’s truly wonderful! Build your dreams. Take an oath to touch them with the audacity of a tangent.

Many of you are thinking about how to build a beautiful career in the coming days (‘beautiful’ meaning what people generally call beautiful). I would say, before thinking about this, ask yourself what you truly enjoy. Others can’t answer this for you. At best, they know what you should enjoy. The biggest disadvantage of thinking like everyone else is that your true potential gets trapped in a predetermined pattern, and your achievements become nothing that can be distinctly identified or seen. Whether you’ll reduce your life to mediocrity—it’s your choice.

Nelson Mandela had a saying: “It always seems impossible until it’s done.” At one time, those who came first or second in civil service exams seemed like aliens to me. I thought becoming like them was impossible. Later, I topped that very exam. I felt a kind of fascination and reverence for those who got into IBA. Remembering those thoughts makes me laugh now. I’ve always felt an inner urge to do what everyone calls difficult. Nothing in this world can be deserved; everything must be earned. To get what you want, you must have tremendous respect and love for it. You must replicate the good qualities of those who have already achieved it. Sometimes you need to break and rebuild yourself anew. One blind person cannot show the way to another. So during this time, avoid unsuccessful people as much as possible. It’s easy to be influenced by them because failing is easy. Their life philosophy is usually very comforting. Who doesn’t enjoy being with people like themselves or even more incompetent? Learning to challenge yourself is a great art. It’s better to be a follower of the wise on Facebook than a friend of the worthless. Sometimes you must cause yourself pain. Who doesn’t love themselves? Everyone thinks they look like Shah Rukh Khan, regardless of what others think. So when your helplessness questions your very existence, makes you untouchable in everyone’s eyes, when parents and siblings are constantly humiliated by relatives, when friends somehow drift away, then in tremendous resentment, you want to turn around with everything you have.

Life’s necessities can make you accustomed even to difficult death. Many people make another mistake: seeking success formulas from someone successful in a completely different field. Many successful people know very little but speak a great deal. They think that succeeding in one area gives them the right to opine on everything in the world. What’s the point of asking Bill Gates for advice on rice and lentil trading? Let me share something else. No matter how successful someone is, don’t go near anyone who breaks your morale. You can’t really learn from people who only point out mistakes; even if you do learn, they don’t let you apply that learning. If you cannot help a person to do something, you have no right to demoralize him/her saying that he/she cannot do it. But many people do exactly this. Then there are those who assume that because they couldn’t achieve something, no one else can either; their advice reminds me of the tale of the fox with the cut-off tail. A child doesn’t want to eat—this isn’t unusual; children throughout history haven’t wanted to eat, no demon-like child has ever been born into this world, nor do I see any possibility of it happening in the future, yet parents find countless ways to feed their children; they must learn how to feed the child. So don’t let anyone tell you at the start of your career that you can’t do something—not even your parents. Those who don’t praise your good work but only criticize your bad work are not your well-wishers, let alone friends. Whether they stay by your side or not makes no difference. The less attention you pay them, the better off you’ll be. Throw away such worthless people. Praise requires a generous heart. Someone who has never been praised—how can they praise you? Stay away from such viruses; stay healthy.

Think about it: we keep track of Tendulkar’s centuries, but have we ever truly inquired how much physical and mental stress he endures while making those centuries? As long as he bats, he carries the tension of millions of people’s expectations while trying to show his very best? How much expectation pressure do we have to handle? At most, from ten people? Only those who play well know how difficult it is to play well. How much nerve-testing you must endure. Many might know cricket better than this, but here just knowing isn’t important—applying that knowledge is what matters. What you can do and what you cannot, your work itself declares. In this case, being sincere is more important than being serious. Work hard—the days of relying solely on this old slogan are over; now it’s coupled with Work smartly.

Not everyone can do everything. When someone tries to do what they cannot, they usually merge into the crowd of Average People. If you can properly utilize the grooming you received during your honors studies, shaping your career according to your own vision is only a matter of time. Steve Jobs gave wonderful advice: Stay foolish, stay hungry. I’m reminded of a TV commercial. A chocolate ad. Different people are making different comments about a chocolate. Some say it’s good, others say it’s bad, some are confused. One person says nothing. Mouth shut. Everyone asks, “What’s wrong, why aren’t you saying anything?” He barely opens his mouth to reply, “How can I speak? I’m eating!” …This is one of the best ads I’ve seen. Those who can do, make less noise. When you are in the shit, keep your mouth shut. Stay foolish until the moment before achieving career success, stay hungry for it, prepare yourself, keep your eyes and ears open; not your mouth. Que sera sera—Whatever was, was; whatever is, is; whatever will be, will be. What will happen, will happen. These songless dark days of yours will one day become songs. I’ll wait for that day. On that day, reading these words of mine will seem like mere childishness.

Gather various strategies for BCS and IBA admission tests from my presentation today. Then apply them in your own way. Now I’m sharing some more lessons learned from my own life.

One evening, talking with my younger brother, I realized he was suffering from tremendous frustration, on the verge of giving up. In such states, people think they’re utterly alone, that everyone has moved far ahead; even those closest to them aren’t really friends. He had started thinking that merely staying alive was exhausting! Everyone was his enemy. No one loved him. How can someone no one wants even exist! I have lived at both extreme ends of hope and despair. I know how it feels when only emptiness lies ahead. I know how much people survive on hope alone. What a life of penance means—I didn’t need to learn this from any theosophical lecture. To those who claim to be in the greatest possible suffering, let me say: there was a time when even counting the hours until death seemed like a luxury to me. To count such hours, you must at least be alive; even that being alive was such a tormented luxury!

I’ve seen that simply staying alive accomplishes much. If you disappear, except for very close people, no one is truly affected. So, stay alive. Your death would cause terrible discomfort to those people who find peace in wishing for your death. If only for their sake… live!

Staying alive is the greatest revenge. So, if only for your own sake… live!

Live, for yourself. Live, for others.

That very night I wrote this piece for him and posted it on his wall.

Let me share some lessons my life has taught me:

Among our
batchmates, probably I was the first person who took the risk to explore the
avenue of traditional business. But it’s not always easy to walk the path
less travelled. Educated entrepreneurs must have the courage to walk away from
apparently secure, well-paid jobs and stay on that outer track at least until
success shows its first glimmer. Things are never that simple. Now I’m a
derailed engineer. I started with my coaching centre, later entered the stock
market taking calculated risks (God bless the investors, including me! Your
friend says money is nothing? Fine, tell him to invest in the share market.) My
succession of such attempts culminated in establishing my own gift business
under the brand name DOVANA. I owned two shops and had always dreamed of
becoming a business magnate, extending my domain over sister concerns as well,
until the day my dream transformed, meeting newer impulses. (Lucky am I that I
never had to regret these new impulses.) Yes, I was planning to kill my
brainchild. To become successful, you must start young. It’s even more crucial
to fail young if you really want to fail in any of your attempts. To fail
successfully is an art. Luck doesn’t always meet you the way you want, but
it’s still luck. Sometimes, God responds by not responding. Now I feel that
sometimes failures are good and life-saving. I always found myself in
positions where I hardly seemed comfortable. When I saw my friends having
already crossed long distances, I felt utterly helpless. Gradually they were
becoming top professionals in their respective sectors. If you’re not
accustomed to being considered a ‘Nobody’ by others since childhood, it’s
difficult to see yourself as a ‘Nobody’ even briefly. I strongly felt that
merely walking or running to catch them wasn’t enough—I had to take a flying
leap! I was struggling to win, but fighting with small people constantly gave
me a hollow, inferior feeling. I was left there alone on my own island, and I
felt disengaged… Even if you win by fighting small people, it gives you the
feeling that you’re one of them—just mediocre talent. Success in business is an
extremely selfish game. Maybe you’re thinking, ‘Huh! I’m already quite
selfish,’ but to win more than others, you would need to be more selfish than
you really are… I always talked to my engineering batchmates (I belong to
the ’02 batch) and insisted we should start a software business. I found only a
few truly serious in words, fewer still in action. The easiest way to start
anything is simply to start it. Everyone around me wanted to begin a journey of
a thousand miles; no one was willing to take even the first step. I know it’s
true that taking risks isn’t always easy, especially when you’ve been raised
surrounded by millions of NO’s. How easy it is to say NO to any attempt! Life
doesn’t always sound so simple as to remain indifferent to all opportunity
costs and stay connected to your dream when it lies elsewhere, contrary to
common expectation. You start feeling that perhaps you’re going to be just a
nobody for whom nothing waits. It’s horrible to be just a NOBODY to others.
All the time you’re thinking, planning, hoping about your dream while
simultaneously wondering what would happen if you find yourself in the wrong
place when it’s too late. (One thing I can tell you: It’s never too late to
realize it’s already getting late.) Life didn’t come with a user manual. So
it’s our right to use and abuse it! I can tell you for certain that playing
with life is a wonderful game, but you must carefully ensure it remains
wonderful at day’s end. Winners stand alone only because so few can truly win.
Living unremembered, unrecognized can give you the worst feeling imaginable.
Life isn’t always smooth enough to remain complacent with the ‘I think,
therefore I am’ principle—life makes you feel the urge to believe, ‘Others
think, therefore I am.’ Identity is more important than existence. Now I
believe that deciding what you really want matters. It took me almost two
decades to decide what I truly wanted. When I finally decided, it took only a
few months to get what I really wanted. Whatever you do—job, business, or
anything else—you must work not only hard but also smartly to become successful
enough to smile and not be embarrassed seeing others smile at your previous
‘sweet failures.’ Failures are never meant to be sweet. It’s your success that
makes them sweet. Sometimes your best role model is only YOU in a better state
you could be. Success isn’t always about being someone else you dream of being;
rather, it’s about being a new YOU better than the previous YOU, or not
degrading your better YOU if you already are one. Hardly anything not
worth-challenging is worth-getting. Success is all about earning, not
deserving. The easiest way to make people admit you deserve something is by
earning it. The fact is, your success is what you think you’ve earned; your
failure is what others think you deserve… Success. It’s simply living
without sighs. It’s dancing the way you want and making people think you dance
well even if you don’t. It’s making your style others’ favourite brand even if
it’s foolish. It’s sometimes making people laugh at even your worst jokes. It’s
making others hear you even when you don’t speak. It’s taking the opportunity
to tell others that meeting your previous millionth failure was essential,
anyway. It’s making your failures worth mentioning by you or by others. It’s
simply what it is—not the opposite of failure as popularly told and wrongly
believed. Throughout my life I’ve followed a simple technique. I always hold
the highest respect for any peak I’m trying to reach, and I make successful
people my heroes. It gives me tremendous drive! Really! Even a child wants to
become the hero he dreams of. It’s easy to work for something you truly admire,
in any job, in any business. Your business is like your child. You cannot
expect your child to become a complete person overnight. Similarly, you cannot
expect your business to boom before you become accustomed to bitter reactions
from people around you. People have a natural talent for undermining your
attempts when they’re unfamiliar with them or feel uncomfortable about them.
Some people can never appreciate anything. So it’s foolish to judge yourself by
what they say. Kind words are healthier than chicken soup. Have a bowl of
healthy soup—served (if you’re lucky enough) or self-served (if you want to
make your own luck). Get busy living. I’ve always found this: learned free,
lost paid. So invest before you earn. Get inspiration from people who never
stop before crossing the miles to go before they sleep. Quitters are never
winners. Que sera, sera—Whatever will be, will be. Things are what they are;
things will be what they’ll be. If you quit, only you quit. Others won’t quit
and will reach the peak. The easiest way to finish something is to start it.
Once you start, you’re surely on the way to the end. If you’re finished before
it finishes, you must search for another way. A new way isn’t always better—sometimes
it brings newer pains. If you still don’t know what to do, ask your heart. Do
what you love, love what you do. Your heart strangely somehow knows better than
you do. Never ask a blind man to help you cross the road because he too is
trying or has failed to cross it. If you can’t see, ask someone who has already
seen. Better to live one minute with a wise man than stay a hundred years with
an idiot. First decide, deserve, and then desire. These three D’s can give you
what you and others want from your life. Life isn’t always easy, but it’s still
worth living. Tough times don’t last long for tough people. Be that tough.
Don’t tell the world what you can do; let the world tell it for you. Your
actions speak much louder than your words. Don’t challenge others—challenge
yourself, because at day’s end, all you’re left with is only yourself. It’s
never too late; rather, being late is good since you’ve already paid the price
for mistakes others haven’t yet made. Know what to do, learn how to do it, and
JUST DO IT! Be that tough person for whom time waits, as he has refused to
shape his life with time, by time, for time. Remember, only your results are
rewarded, not your efforts. This is how the world accepts or rejects you.

~ Never take
anything for granted, even your failure.

~ Never call it
a day until & unless the day ends.

~ Only your
results are rewarded, not your efforts.

~ Really
perform when you’re performing.

~ Only your
performance performs, not my prayers or curses.

~ Sometimes
your luck matters much more than your performance.

~ Excuses are
of no use. If you win, you need not show them. If you lose, you should not show
them.

~ The game is
always ON. So . . . . . . . JUST PLAY!

Good luck!