Feeling, No—Wounded Pride

 How can I explain what I'm feeling inside! I can't make sense of anything at all. I want to go to some forest and be alone for a while.
  
 Some people very close to me are unwell, and nothing feels right.
  
 Stay well, and if you can't stay well, at least pretend to be well, and if you are well, then truly be well.
  
 Let us all be well.
  
 Here I am, silent, and you think I'm not speaking. I am speaking, but there are no words. Words don't speak in every situation—sometimes they must become wordless.
  
 Will you write a story for me?
  
 Two hearts are burning so much, suffering such restlessness, each understanding the other perfectly, everything falling apart for both without the other, everything stopping, both going mad, yet neither can speak to the other, neither can come close...
  
 What lies within this? Hesitation, shyness, fear, shame, ego, reality... or something else? 
  
 Where does this story end?
  
 Don't you really understand why I write to you!
  
 You always do this to me! When I come to you with all my emotions, you speak as if you're a stranger!
  
 I try so hard to convince myself that what I think is merely my own thinking, that you are someone else, that you are not my sunshine. Our natures are worlds apart; I'm such an incredibly unsmart girl—how can I think of you this way!
  
 No matter how much I try to pull myself together, I don't know who pulls the strings somewhere, but I can't go even a second without thinking of my sunshine, talking to him nonstop, staying with him! My heart tells me we desperately need each other! We'll both go completely mad!
  
 We can show our anger and hurt feelings, but love and affection remain invisible. Only our God knows how much this love amounts to!
  
 In desperation I told God: either let us meet, or stop everything; I can't bear it anymore.
  
 Now you tell me, are these feelings of mine right or wrong?
  
 And listen, you once said I peddle sorrow wherever I go. I didn't answer that day; today I'm saying, I know how to hide as much pain as God has never even created.
 One more thing—today I've forgotten how to feel hurt by the whole world, yet all my hurt feelings belong only to you!