Fear in Love Is Classical

 
Today my heart is heavy. Why it's heavy, I cannot find a reason.


Right now I feel that if I could hold you tight in my arms, perhaps I'd feel better.
Right now I want to press my chest fiercely against yours.
Right now I feel like touching your chest with my hand, reaching for your heart.
Right now I want to keep my lips submerged forever in your pain-filled eyes.


These days, somehow, I feel I will lose you,
that you will truly break my home and go away somewhere else.
Somehow I feel I will lose again. Just like before, I will lose again!


I will be alone again. My this room, that room, my veranda, my sky, my courtyard... breaking and crushing everything that is mine, you will just leave.
Making me destitute, leaving me alone, you will go far away.


I feel that one day dawn will break, and I will open my eyes to see
you are nowhere in my house.
One day I will discover you are not at the grille of my window, not on the other side of the bed, not in that chair.
Even from the flower petals in the vase you will have vanished, you will be nowhere.


One day, making everything around me terribly empty,
turning off the lights of my room, you will become the lamp of another house. That day,
shattering the walls of my happiness, you will become the colored curtains of another room.


One day on a full moon night I will discover my courtyard has filled with the darkest new moon.
Along that path across the vast field before me, you will have gone to some new tar-paved crossroad.


Lately my fear has grown.
When I turn this way, I think—aren't you leaving?
And when I turn the other way, I think—will you return to my room tomorrow?