How many times I told you, just study a little now, turn the pages of those job prep books, don't I need to get married? You smiled softly each time and said, everything will work out fine. You're a brilliant person, you know so much, understand so much! Only you never understood that in this country, people don't get jobs for being brilliant—rather, they become brilliant only after getting a job!
You brought me all kinds of exquisite flowers, searched and brought me every moment that you knew I loved. I was the only one who filled your entire world of thoughts. No event in my life has ever been more beautiful than meeting you.
I often asked, don't you have any work other than thinking about me? You'd say, no, I don't. So? I'd say again, we don't know where destiny will take us. But can we just sit around depending on that? You'd laugh loudly and say, don't think so much, everything will work out fine! Today, having lost, surely you too can feel like I do— that words can be brushed away with a snap, but not life.
What color clothes would suit me, what matching jewelry I should wear... even the design of my shoes stayed in your head! What I would do, what I would need, what I might want at any moment—all of it was wrapped up in your thoughts. Only one thing wasn't there: the fundamental truth that you needed to get a job!
Your father was honest, and more importantly, he wasn't a materialistic man. As it happens, when he passed away, he didn't leave much behind for you all. You knew all this, yet loving me so deeply, you never found time to think about it!
When you truly love someone, there are many things to do besides just loving. People don't live on moonlight, after all! Love has its demands, yes, but also its duties and responsibilities.
You studied engineering, were always weak in English. You could maybe get by without studying math, but English you had to study! Did you study at all? In all the job exams you took, I never saw any proof of it!
You loved my hair so much. On every page of your books you drew my hair in different styles. Does this get you a job, tell me? To keep love alive, you must think about everything it takes—that thinking itself is love. Why didn't all this occur to you then? Love doesn't work with so little understanding. It really doesn't!
We were supposed to spend an entire lifetime together. Where did that go! What father keeps a daughter of your age unmarried when he finds a suitable match? If you had a sister, would you have kept her waiting too? We had friendship, we had wonderful understanding, only wisdom was missing. Though it's not that I had none at all. I told you all this countless times. Try to remember.
Perhaps I can sense certain truths beforehand. I love you, I want you. I can't live without you—I always believed this. Even the responsibility for all my thoughts was yours. When these things came to mind, I thought, my feelings and my father's feelings aren't the same! As much as I love you, my father loves me just as much! To my father, not the man who can take care of my thoughts, but the one who can take responsibility for me— only he matters.
With folded hands I begged you again and again, meet my father. You didn't. Seeing your hesitation, I asked you to at least talk to my mother from my phone. You wouldn't. What power in the world besides you could block marriage proposals from coming to a girl of your age? You tell me!
Maybe you thought, with what face would you go to our house! You never once thought, with what face a girl like me swallowed all her shame before her father for you! You never even told your family about me! And now you won't have to—lucky you, what an escape! You know, for a man, being brave is far more important than being good!
You tell me, what else could I have done? That I could become someone else's—you refused to believe that! You thought, everything will work out fine! But look, nothing works out on its own, everything must be made to work!
Tell me, why aren't you getting married even now? Now you have a job, you have ground to stand on. Doesn't your mother say anything to you? I'm alive. My son is growing up. Pray for him, that when he grows up he never tells his girlfriend, everything will work out fine! These four words have pushed the two of us four light-years apart!
Today I know, everything doesn't work out fine. Ours didn't work out, we simply ended up with two different kinds of lives. If you want your future to be right, you must make your present right yourself, because God has no responsibility whatsoever to make everything right.