Endless Cloud-dwelling

That I love you this much—
if I don't say it, will you ever know
just how much I love you?
This constant seeking, every moment's trace,
searching and searching, finding nothing,
lips pursed in sullen-eyed reproach,
in trembling, tear-glazed stillness of gaze
again and again I quarrel with love itself,
and with you I pick these fights—
do you understand any of this?

Sleep won't come,
rain falls in the pupils of my eyes,
hiding my face from everyone,
hiding these swollen, tender eyes,
I slip away in secret,
wanting to lose myself completely—
don't you see anything at all?

Wounded,
head bowed low,
I moor my boat at distant shores,
gaze down the same road at the same hour each day,
pulled by some loose thread's tug
I count the days,
months expire,
years roll by,
the storm in my sullen eyes subsides,
stopping and starting, lingering and aching
in all this childish stubbornness—
why don't you understand any of it?

If I never said I hadn't eaten all day,
would you then know...that I'd gone hungry?
If I never told you
I went nowhere, won't go anywhere, forgetting...
would you understand then?

Why does life become so hard?
Why is life truly this tasteless?
Where do all the colors in my eyes disappear?
Where does the soul's beloved go?
When leaving, you took with you
even that bit of sunlight you'd brought along—
you took it all back with you!

When leaving,
going away you left behind only clouds,
those same old clouds...
and since then endlessly only pitter-patter drip-drop-drip rain falls,
the monsoon's deluge—ah, how terribly stubborn it is!
Its self-declared rules and regulations of behavior—
these things don't pass easily at all!