Don't Miss Me, Remember Me

 
I woke hours ago.
Outside, a few birds are calling in their own language—
the world belongs to them now! Today they celebrate all their joy.

I don't want to leave my bed for the window.
Even with sleep-heavy eyes, all my attention turns to you!

Last night was the sacred night of Shab-e-Barat.
Since childhood I've known it as a blessed night of mercy.
Mother prayed all night, and I was there beside her on the prayer mat.

I placed my phone carefully in one corner of that mat,
in case you called and I couldn't answer—
thinking of your hurt, your worry...all of that!

The whole night passed, even as mother scolded me...
How many times I got up and went to my phone...
Yet not once, not even once did your call come!
Though all night long, in my prayers, in my worship...only you were there!

I asked Allah to keep you healthy, keep you safe, keep you alive.
Whatever your heart desires, may He be with you in all of it.

Usually, I always ask for something for myself too,
but this time I asked for nothing! Like a foolish child I thought,
what if asking for myself means He doesn't give to you!
I'm truly going mad!

I know you're still sleeping,
staying up nights painting, sleeping at dawn—this much I know.

I feel you very close to me.
I'm pressing a deep, lingering kiss to your forehead.
Holding you tight against my chest.
Looking at you, you seem like my innocent child.

And yes, listening to the song you sent...
my hurt has lessened somewhat,
but not completely. My heart is still heavy,
I still want to scold you, and yet I want to love you too.

Don't you dare say again, "Come, love me!"
If you do, this time I'll say no.
To love you I'd have to come to you,
I can't love you from this distance.

I don't miss you, I will not miss you!
Now I'm getting sleepy, I'll fall asleep again.
And listen, you better miss me,
don't you dare forget to miss me, understand?