Deception, Not Love

I loved a deceiver.
I placed him on a divine throne and worshipped him day after day.
I wanted to live holding him close with everything I had.
Thinking of him, I wanted to forget all life's pain and sorrow, to be a little happy.
I trusted him more than myself and felt secure.
Ignoring everything else, believing only in his existence,
I wanted to witness the blessed dawn of a new morning.

Though I was unworthy of him, thinking he had made me so completely his own,
I loved him even more, grew grateful to God.
Watching all his success, not hesitating to forget my own failures,
I wanted to stand by his side with all I had, just for him.
I treasured him as life's most wonderful and priceless reward.
Finding him, once again—though I had come to despise even the word love—
I was forced to love that very love again.

Thinking he saw greatness even in my most trivial creations,
Thinking he built my confidence moment by moment,
In every thought I found within him life's deity to be worshipped.
In all my poetry, in every brushstroke, in every feeling, seeking only him,
In the supreme fulfillment of his existence, I embraced myself anew again and again.

In his every word, every belief, every philosophy
I immersed myself and spent my days in perfect peace.
Fearing I could never face the terrible circumstance
of losing him at any price, I prayed every day.
Making him life's polestar, in tremendous joy
I spent sleepless nights after nights thinking only of him.
Getting one chance to speak with him, I celebrated.
Rising above all logic and argument, I made him mine,
and thinking he too had claimed me, I felt supremely fulfilled.

I was wrong. Truly, I made a terrible mistake!
In the midst of all this, failing to see him as a deceiver, I made life's greatest error.
Failing to understand the maturity of his performance, I made a grave mistake.
Unable to grow accustomed to his selfish mentality, I was wrong.
Unable to imagine even in dreams his treacherous form, I made a huge mistake.
Thinking impossible his potential for vile criminality, I erred.

Yes, I loved a deceiver.
So when leaving, he didn't drown in remorse, but settled all his accounts,
showing me as selfish, guilty and greedy,
proving me the criminal, he ended all connection.
Making me merely an exchange, settling everything, he found peace only after leaving me empty.
Even after that terrible form hidden behind the mask was revealed, I see
he proved me wrong and settled all accounts for this lifetime.

Still, because I hate him, unable to bid farewell, I made yet another mistake!
Still loving him, unable to erase him from my heart, I was wrong!
Still wishing him well, binding him in all my prayers, I erred greatly.
Unable even now to call him a deceiver, I made life's greatest mistake.
Yes, I loved a deceiver tremendously.