Coming Back to Consciousness-1

 One.
 I meet the clouds eye to eye,
 wash everything clean in the monsoon today—
 anger, wounded pride, reproach.
 Whether anger and reproach remain or not,
 wounded pride is absolutely necessary.
 Otherwise life loses all its preparation!
 Why does the rain, in salty water,
 wash away pride but leave behind affection?
 Affection only grows, won't take love along,
 in rainwater the rain floats on currents of longing.
  
 I plead with the Lord,
 let affection and tenderness release me,
 let me become lifeless matter without love—just this once!
 How it feels to live! I've forgotten completely!
 Where do prayers reach, alas? I cannot find them!
 Only He knows the gap in my wanting,
 seeing me, He smiles gently and says softly,
 why are you asking for rain, child?
 You're doing fine with just a little drought!
 This is how prayer, taking the path of prayer, dies!
 I no longer gamble with life in cruelty,
 the intoxication of living through prayer won't leave,
 with what laughter life passes, seeking death in unfamiliar guise!
  
 Two.
 When you look at me with wondering eyes and ask,
 how are you?
 Seeing myself in your eyes, I begin to think
 of these strange mistakes,
 the flowers in the pupils—
 they float absent-minded in the listless breeze.
 When that girl is the passenger in your narrow boat,
 tell me why you call to me, what do you gain?
 I do love you well, you know that truly!
 When the heart doesn't want to know,
 why then do you bind me with this needless courtesy?
 Don't think so much, I live on in separation!
 Let the world spin in deception,
 does the mind spin by the force of delusion?
  
 I let go of your hand long ago!
 I live well now,
 what's the point, tell me, of being miserable?
 Why then today
 do you waste your time needlessly
 in public politeness?
 Sometimes rain—wets me—against my will.
 Sometimes I—wear the rain—hiding my reluctance!
 In both plays the body gets soaked—with equal intensity.
 I swallow rain, I bring down rain,
 as rain wets me, I wet the rain just so.
 War and peace are equal-equal.
  
 Three.
 How much further will you push me, tell me?
 Keep me distant then, beloved.
 Will you be able to win in the end?
 Exactly as much as I've kept you close to my heart,
 to win—
 exactly that much you'll have to keep me away! Can you, tell me?
 Are you laughing? Look, I'm laughing too! Such difference in our two laughters!
 You won't be able to keep me so far away,
 as close as I keep you in my own melody.
 Sometimes you won't even know
 exactly how terribly close,
 in this secret heart you live.
 That's why I say, your attempt to push me exactly that far away
 is only futile.
 The way you push me so far,
 your urgency about me
 doesn't chase me like before.
 I see you, only smile,
 in that smile tears dry,
 blood hides within the chest.
  
 What is all this restlessness of yours, tell me?
 You've kept me leagues away,
 lest I come close in the heart's confusion,
 smile a little and tell you,
 are you quite well?
 In that fear stay awake,
 chase away sleep, run yourself!
 Oh why do you think like that?
 I'm telling the truth, I truly live far away!
 You tell me to stop,
 tear my heart, bind me with chains,
 does life ever stop, tell me?
 It pauses then runs again!
 What is permanent in this world except sorrow?
 If that's the case, I've accepted it,
 the day when all feeling will be lost to wounded pride,
 that day the heart will forget everything,
 let it be false!
 I will remain forgotten,
 in neglect and oblivion,
 all this love you've taken fully,
 how will you forget it all?
 You're laughing, aren't you? Very much?
 Thinking lightly, what is there to remember!
 The raft of work will float you away perhaps,
 still everything is written in time's ledger—keep that in mind!
  
 Four.
 I write, you read.
 You write, I burn.
 Everyone thinks, with tea's touch
 I chase away sleep...
 No one else, only I know—
 secretly
 in whose intoxication
 sleep flees...
 Sleep sleeps with sleep,
 this night stays awake, I remain awake.
 Even today
 nothing gets said to her,
 I swallow all words in salt water,
 heart's words, heart's songs,
 lie carelessly in the heart's corner...
 I measure tears in mockery and neglect.
 I see the sky,
 gaze quietly,
 sometimes suddenly the desire comes
 to open my life, spread my heart
 and speak to the sky thinking it's you!
  
 Duality laughs loudly at the word!
 I startle! What's happening?
 How do eyes get wet,
 at such times I suddenly see,
 clouds move away, the sky adorns itself in my color!
 Duality hides its face in doubt,
 a moment later smiling a little I think,
 even matter understands the heart!
 However much bad times
 surround,
 inside the heart
 beloved ones
 crowd all the more!
 What magic is this!
 I grope after emptiness,
 the tired heart loses peace,
 yet thinking emptiness full,
 I fill the heart, turn away death!
  
 Five.
 Will you say something? Don't say it with your eyes, say it with your mouth.
 How many hundreds of times questions have returned—unanswered!
 Time passes, time runs out,
 night still says nothing.
 Time's chariot wheels wear away, race fast.
 Eager night asks again,
 say something! Be it bad or good!
 I've been sitting here for so long! I know, I won't get this chance again! Even waiting requires living!
 Night says, listen, I'm speaking...
 Yet alas she says nothing!
 Saying I'm going, I'll go
 night one day
 escapes.
 Never to return again,
 hides in such a land
 from which there's no return.
  
 Time races through memory's gaps,
 night sometimes wonders,
 has night truly been lost?
 He knows all, understands all.
 Yet one day suddenly on a whim
 he searches for night's address.
 No trace will be found, yet still he searches!
 When the night goddess descends
 night comes—night sees.
 All the questions I have,
 take all the answers
 from all my writings—what I wrote, what you burned.
 Do you want to tell me something? Do you still live silent today?
 If you won't tell me,
 tell that sky instead.
 I'll listen carefully with ears pricked.
 In sleep's stupor night weeps,
 suddenly wakes muttering! Keeps calling 'night' 'night'.
 Before this—stay well, very well!
 Saying just this much, where does night disappear...
 Night's meditation breaks, delusion flees.
 So much he wants to say, nothing gets said
 at all!
 Night only to himself
 keeps gazing
 at the sky.
 With the night tears fall as witness.
 When time is gone, love measures pain in untimely moments!
  
 Six.
 I am lost in the 'I' I've become,
 what's the point, tell me, of bringing
 that 'I' close?
 That's why even when I reach the shore, I carefully steer the boat away.
 Don't meet my eyes with such indifference,
 I know how to live without pity,
 I know how to drown in love all alone.
 I understand—
 it's good to live in reality,
 it's good to float in imagination too.
 Even knowing reality
 when I try to float in imagination the danger is great,
 from somewhere sorrow comes and increases the burden!
 Going uninvited to float like that ruins life completely!
 Life drowns, death floats.
 Some people live even while drowning.
 Such living also conquers fear!
 Life adorns itself relying on that courage.
  
 Whether I look toward light or not,
 I find my path within you.
 In light and shadow and cloudy mists,
 in warm and cool caresses,
 thinking of you the day passes
 in leisure between various tasks
 I paint dreams of so many colors...
 Night falls on these two eyes,
 I revel in rhythm with you,
 I go to live anew,
 I dress up daily for your sake.
 Even if you don't turn to see,
 these eyes no longer smile,
 listless eyes float only in water.
 You understand everything, yet understand nothing.