Clouds Instead of Letters

 
I never hold grievances against people.
Why should I? Work extends to people, people extend to work.
After that, I remain with myself, with my own people.
This much I understand of life's meaning.


Yet see, now around you I nurture a strange resentment.
There's no real reason for it.
Often, I don't quite understand myself—
why I sulk with you, what exactly I want, why I torment myself.
I'm so busy, can't spare time for anyone,
and yet I, dropping everything, remain consumed with you!
I have no answers for any of this.


I love you deeply, may you be well.
Sometimes I go mad,
my surroundings force me to madness.
I behave strangely, and when I do, nothing remains in my head.
I understand all this much later, when nothing can be done.


Know this—my strangeness sometimes
you'll have to bear, because I love you.
I'm always running late,
I'm always making mistakes.
Wait for me,
I'll return to you the me that matches your heart exactly.
Just don't leave—that's all it takes.


Stay beside me until the very end,
I'll need no one else.
Whatever I say, whatever I do,
bear with me, never go anywhere leaving me behind,
stay beside me, stay with me, exist for me.
Tolerate all my madness, never let me become alone.
Never abandon me and walk away.
You must do these things, because I love you.


What this society thinks, what it says—
I don't much concern myself with that.
Become my entire world—from my heart I want only this.


I have no faith in love.
I've always fled from this place.
I was only with work, all love existed within work.
I trust only work, not people.


Suddenly you came! After coming, you've risen above all my thoughts.
I love feeling you,
I love thinking of you,
I love seeing you,
I love reading your writing,
I love your presence,
I love your touch,
I love indulging you,
I love everything about you.


I'm bound in a kind of wondrous compulsion.
Before I could understand if this is attachment or love,
I had already fallen in love with you.
I know no other way out from here except loving you.


Unless absolutely necessary, never hurt me.
If you do, then I'll truly fall far behind everything.
No one understands this better than I do. Not even you.


I'll dive into work much more than before,
keep myself terribly busy.
For my sake, your work will never be interrupted, not even slightly.
Just one request—don't speak harshly to me, stay with me.
I miss you terribly.