Previous Chapter ...............…........
I remember, when evening fell we'd sit by the pond and share peanuts, when the phone rang you'd touch it gently with those two eyes—on the phone's wallpaper, in passwords, …everywhere it was me! Me and us together filled the memory, remember? Those pictures don't exist now, you threw them away, didn't you, tell me? After the duty to keep memories ends, the memory itself must be thrown away!
Who have you put on the back of your laptop? My hoarse voice calling 'Hey baby...hey!' as a ringtone, I know you've deleted it; delete the audio file too, how about it? Or did you throw it away long ago? Do I still come up in conversations? If someone even mentions a little, 'Oh how handsome he was!' does rage fill your head terribly... Some random guy, who knows where from, why so much talk about him? That's your attitude, I know!
Well, do you ever enter my profile? Even by mistake? Do you stare at this flat face with unblinking eyes like before, even in secret? When calls didn't come, again and again, sulking eyes would turn toward the phone. Do they still? Unlocking the screen to check if any calls were missed—that doesn't happen anymore! You're free! Do you still walk through call records in the call list, touching anyone? When I'm online on Messenger, when I'm not, that duty of keeping track is over; in the time you've saved who do you keep?...Look at this, even a person like me has learned to be jealous!
Well, does he also torment you wanting to see you? Ask for selfies? Get very angry if you don't send them? Does he also mention that dimple on your cheek? Or hasn't he even noticed? Do you fight? We used to fight so much! Do you still refuse to answer the phone when angry? You used to answer on the third ring when mad, do you still do that? Or has your anger grown a bit more, so the number has moved past three?
Do you still pout your lower lip and cry like before? Do phone kisses still make you dizzy? Or hasn't that happened yet? Who asks if you've eaten? Or do you eat properly even without being asked? Does anyone get angry if you go into the bathroom in the evening? Do you tell anyone to eat, don't forget, when it's noon? Who wakes you up in the morning? Are you ever late for first class? I suppose you cut your hair whenever you feel like it, just like that! Does anyone scold you for cutting your hair? Who breathes in the scent of your hair into their chest? Does anyone still touch eyes with your eyes? Do you ever wear that blue sari? For whom? Does anyone tell you to wear the red bindi on your forehead? Who do you look at bringing glasses to the tip of your nose? Do you still buy t-shirts sometimes? Sky blue for him too...have you kept that? Who listens patiently to all your false complaints today?
When rage rises like before, who gets the scolding now? Do you still cry when aunt scolds you? When afternoon slips into evening, do you look at the street through the window with distant eyes? Your tangled voice reciting Rabindranath...does he also make this demand? Do you write poetry like before? Who checks your meter? Or does the rhythm come naturally now? Does he also talk through the night until dawn breaks? Does he also hum and sing songs? Does he also snatch the phone away when you throw it down in frustration?
Which address do letters fly to today? When letters are read, does he also catch the water stains exactly? The day you marry and gleefully make a home in another house, feelings too will pass from this hand to that, even then you'll have to watch all this quietly! Can you? Didn't you have that disease of sadness? Is it cured now? Who cured it? Everything I used to love—songs, poetry, the play of melody... does hearing those things irritate you now, tell me? Does he also praise your drawings?
You solved all the equations so easily! When you pout and cry with puffy eyes, does he comfort you like I did?...There's no point knowing this, thinking about this, I know, I understand. Yet knowingly I seek meaning! You're laughing, aren't you? Go ahead and laugh, that dimple looks wonderful! Does everyone come to this world just to cry?
Next Chapter .......................
What are you doing? Did you eat lunch? Do you keep your hair loose, hm? Do you still lower your eyes mid-conversation, fluttering? When you laugh, do dimples still appear, even in front of him? Let them appear! And whatever else you do, don't let anyone else call you by the name I gave you, okay? That belongs only to me, beloved!
I know you won't answer even by mistake, you'll just mark it seen and leave it! Go ahead! What's it to me? Well, why don't you block me? You don't love me anyway, fine. So why won't you let me forget either? What's the point of all this?
Hilsa fish is being fried in the kitchen, I can smell it. Such a beautiful fragrance! I'm thinking, I'll eat several pieces before it's even properly cooked. Well, exactly how many fried hilsa pieces in a row would I have to eat to feel better, can you tell me? Would seven and a half work? I'll give the remaining half to the cat. She's much better than you, she still hasn't left me.
I think of you less now, see you less, disturb you less, bring you to mind less...yet I still can't forget you.