Birth-cry---in the scent of keya flowers

 I wanted only to touch you, nothing more.
 What the heart truly yearns for comes back manifold, I've learned again.
 See how I can live just touching your gentle fingers,
 I bind you in my love, this existence is your dwelling,
 tell me, is this too little?
 Whenever I go to sleep, your breath draws me close,
 but its scent doesn't reach me, so perhaps that's why sleep won't come,
 a night wanderer, I lie awake helpless all night, circling in the stupor of sleeplessness.

 In this life I've learned only this—what compound interest the heart yields when it changes,
 you didn't know, beloved, that I'm drunk on your love!
 Why some things happen, I cannot say......
 I remember, you touched me because you were going to call,
 and see, my phone rang immediately!
 Doesn't this happen too, tell me?
 When feeling becomes intense, this is what happens, I know,
 perhaps you don't love me quite so much,
 but what little you do love, that little is fiercely intense, I accept.
 Breaking through these walls around us and running away with me—do you want to?
 I desperately want to, I'd spend all day in playful quarrels,
 binding love through fights and laughter, walking around you, seeing everything!
 In this life you are moonlight and shadow, soaking in you makes me content,
 yet I cannot touch you! When touch comes, thick darkness descends!
 I'm the only daughter in my house, the sole sister of seven brothers,
 there will be marriage, great celebration will come, with music playing the house will be decorated,
 in dreams colorful cars used to come!
 Now I no longer live in dreams,
 when talk of marriage comes up at home, I tremble with fear,
 my marriage has already happened with you, that's what I believe!
 When I've received you through the heart's mantra, then tell me, what doubt remains?
 In your eyes, on your lips, on your cheeks, on your chest,
 however tenderly I've kissed you, tell me, will that much affection come
 if you hold another's hand?
 Love is like this, I know—once given, it can never be taken back!
 What slips from one hand to another
 is not called love!
 What I give becomes a gift,
 once taken, it fades—
 love is like this, I know!
 The first day I saw love's shadow in your eyes,
 where I lost myself that day, in which world, I still don't know.
 From afar I seemed to drown in that river of your eyes,
 believe me, so clearly I saw your heart that day,
 how much that pulse, that gaze drew me in tenderness and love, I cannot say!
 That tremor still reaches my ears, I'm disturbed thinking what happened that day,
 since then until now I remain captive in your eyes!
 I pray that my whole life passes this way,
 may I never have the strength to break these sweet chains!
 Why did you say that day, after loving you,
 if tears don't flow from these eyes, blood will fall!
 Why did you say it that way, beloved?
 On that rainy night I drowned in so much doubt and love,
 only I remember.........I remember!
 Wrestling with my mind all day passed in uncertainty,
 I've walked a new path with my hand placed in a new hand,
 however much I was intoxicated with joy then, that many painful memories arose,
 yet I didn't care, I ran.........beloved, you know!
 Joy peeping through sorrow's crowd,
 or happiness venturing into the midst of sadness—
 what hide-and-seek surrounded me!
 Suddenly there rose
 a palace of love and pain!
 I return from imagination to reality,
 with love's thorn piercing my chest,
 I've sheltered the newly born person in my heart
 with utmost care, in dependency's soft blanket,
 keeping his love and feelings carefully in my chest.
 Why are some longings so intense, I cannot understand!
 Just to see you a little, to revel in a touch,
 to take that shiver, I ran so many hundreds of miles,
 there was love, so distance meant nothing!
 Only this thought circled in my head—I'll see you!
 If you wanted, I'd cross a thousand miles in an instant!
 If someone pressed a gun to my chest and fired,
 perhaps even then all feelings would flee, only you would remain in my eyes before death!
 So many lies, hundreds of crimes, thousands of deceptions—all hide behind one love!
 I become foolish in your love, I give up everything in your spell,
 however much anxiety, that much peace—all in your intoxication!
 However much my thirst has been quenched by your touch,
 not even a quarter of it has ever been satisfied by any excuse!
 Why is there such urgency in everything about you?
 Why, tell me?
 Why so early......in this world?
 Why did you marry so soon?
 Why did you come to the wrong house?
 Why must I belong to another?
 Why do you stay silent even understanding my pain?
 Why forbid me to cry aloud even in such agony?
 There's no answer, yet so many questions! Tell me, life, why is it like this?
 Oh beloved, I'm very unfortunate, love me just a little!
 However much my pain is, it will be overcome by just that much,
 with lonely time on my thumb I'll bid you farewell when I find you!
 Whenever I see you absent-minded, if you could understand how terribly it hurts!
 Though my very self is like a parasite wrapped around you tightly.........
 I know everything! Yet know that you've fallen for my affection.
 Or else keep me in your mind through affection's pull,
 what can I do, tell me, I live clinging to you!
 Never feel pain about anything,
 when a beloved cries, tell me, how do I live?
 When sorrow chokes my breath, wake me from sleep and call,
 I'll give you my laughter, I'll wash you in my colors,
 perhaps I'm very fragile, but know that this love is intense!
 Did you cry terribly that day? Why did you drown yourself in alcohol like that?
 Did you dance to old songs in resentment, drunk?
 Oh, why are you like this?
 However much pain you have, give me some share of it,
 when pain comes to discipline you, call me,
 or else we'll both get drunk, we'll burn pain on the funeral pyre—together!
 Stay wonderfully busy, be busy forgetting pain,
 even if I become a forgotten memory to you,
 if pain runs away when I'm not there,
 don't keep me dear in your mind, just stay busy with happy work.
 The day you have leisure to think of me,
 that very day you'll find me near—just call and see!
 I'm learning a new multiplication table, keeping a smile on my face I hold patience,
 I'll spend my life counting down the moments until that hour comes!
 I love you terribly, when I don't see you, I laugh in pain,
 let no one understand, let no one know, yet I understand this heart!
 I know I'll lose myself in you, I'll sit close beside you,
 I'll take that happiness in your eyes into mine, that will quench my thirst!
 Beloved, why so many obstacles to union? Why does everyone burn at my happiness, tell me?
 You're not mine, I understand everything, yet I love you so I want to come close,
 touching your finger I'll listen to you, this much hope.
 I'm not in your arms, someone else dwells there, I know that too,
 from afar I'll just look at you for one moment, I'll say smiling, be well!
 Why must one who already burns be burned further, can you tell me?
 Why must one who lives by wasting away be killed?
 Which doctor has forbidden me to see you?
 Has he gone mad? Will you find that doctor for me?
 The bastard has eaten your brain, I'll eat the bastard's head!
 Where else will my own husband look if not at me?
 My photo hasn't gone to that bastard, has it?
 Well beloved, when you go home.........do you think of me?
 When I return home, believe me, I always surround you!
 I can't tell them at home, but I have a room,
 a very dear room—the green bedroom draws me terribly,
 the kitchen is brown, I can stay there as I wish,
 the balcony is also to my liking, sparrows hop when I walk, a cuckoo calls in the distance!
 That room binds me with such affection,
 that room loves me, and I love it too!
 When I come to your house, your room becomes my room through my touch, through your touch.
 You know beloved, I live by cheating—
 cheating in studies, cheating in cooking, cheating in dressing, cheating in decorating—that's me.
 I have a sister-in-law, Lubna sister-in-law,
 she makes curry, delicious to eat!
 Yet see, when she comes home during Eid holidays, her cooking doesn't taste good!
 She cooks wonderfully in her own home, in her in-laws' house she just braids her hair.
 Why, you know? However much affection she cooks with in her own home,
 that much affection is never there when she stays at her in-laws'.
 The same thing happens with me. In your room I cook wonderfully,
 and when I go home I just braid my hair like sister-in-law!
 I can't do anything in this house, in that room I do everything!
 Call me a proper cook, if you knew how lazy I am!
 Why does this happen, you know? Nothing else—because I love!
 I have a lover, I've known him for eleven years!
 Yet see, his birthday comes and goes every year silently,
 doesn't touch me that way.
 That same me, how restless I am for the seventeenth of June, your day!
 Keep me carefully your whole life! Will you, tell me?
 I love your beloved as much as I love you,
 how foolish I am, isn't that right, tell me?
 However much I consider you my own, I consider everyone in your house the same.
 I see your mother, I think of your father, my head bows automatically.
 Give lots of love to your little sister, tell her I love her too!
 How much affection and love is scattered on your house's bookshelf!
 Those books are such precious showpieces—in my eyes—silent companions!
 Well, why don't you keep me, beloved, as a showpiece, one that talks constantly!
 See how people get used to the sound of the doorbell,
 am I so awful, tell me, that I can't be tolerated?
 You pay no attention, hmm I understand everything!
 You'll see the day I've become another house's showpiece and left,
 another person will scold me for mistakes, the next moment lovingly pull me close—
 you'll understand that day!
 I've decided to become completely quiet when I marry into another house.
 Can everything that comes to mind be told to everyone?
 Listen, couldn't I stay as your sister's sister in your house!
 I could be another daughter of your mother! How much we'd talk with mother......
 I can chatter quite well, don't you know? I'd be your wife's companion,
 I'd take such care of father, I'd fulfill all sister's demands!
 Such things could certainly happen! Couldn't they, tell me?
 Why am I nobody in your house? I can't figure it out.........
 Your sister is just like you too, when asked something she just says hmm!
 You're such a rotten boy! What happens if you talk a little with me?
 Tell little sister to chat with me!
 Even if she doesn't love me well, even if she doesn't call me sister-in-law,
 let her just talk a little!
Enough, that's it!

That I love you so very much—

have I ever asked for anything, tell me?

Have I ever said, even by mistake, that you must love me back?

I'll go on loving alone, babbling away all by myself,

call me a chatterbox all you want, I won't listen, hmph!

I'll chatter so much I'll burst your eardrums!
Hey, listen—are you well?

I know, you're perfectly fine! I could tell just by how you answered the phone—how wonderfully you are!

When you're well, I'm well; your joy is my joy!

Listen, shall I come to you on your birthday?

I've planned so many things... I'll do this, I'll do that!

Thinking nothing will work out, I've cried so many times!

I know you're reading this and laughing—my naughty, foolish babul bird... so innocent, understands nothing!

I've been thinking, I'll come to you wearing a black-bordered sari with a black bindi.

You know how well black bindis suit me?

I may be a little dark, but when I dress up, I look good—truly!

How lovingly I would have cooked payesh to feed you on your birthday!

I would have sung for you, we would have danced together!

Forget it, I know, nothing will happen! I'm nothing to you!

There's love but no claim—what punishment compares to this, do you know?
Can you tell me what happiness is?

I only wanted to touch you,

got love instead, and affection—

this is what happiness means, isn't it?

That I see you often, hear the sound of your breathing,

stay immersed in your writing, secretly search for you,

this is what happiness means, isn't it?

I remember the first day I read you,

that very day I fell in love with you! No one could write like that!

Tell me, does one who loves live for self-interest? Or does one forget self-interest?

That I want you so much as my own,

I'm not bound by any self-interest in that desire! Why is this so? I never find this answer!
Which girl attracts you how, you tell me so easily...

Believe me, hearing it all, I don't feel the slightest jealousy! Strange, isn't it, tell me?

Have I then become numb in love?

Love breeds jealousy—this is what I know!

Then why is my love free from envy?

Mother often tells me, "Crazy girl, you must have no bile at all, that's why all

anger, hurt, resentment, hatred have fled somewhere!"

I think, swallowing hurt for so long, I've forgotten pain!
Listen, what if I were the opposite?

Would I then snatch you away from everyone?

Can love be stolen?

The one you love, I love her too—

what would you call this?

I love you unconditionally, selflessly, cautiously, secretly,

from the depths of my heart, on the true path, in prayer!
One who isn't well, see for yourself, has endless demands.

That's why I'm quite well, I have no demands, no hope of getting,

what I've received, what I haven't, even in that little I'm wonderfully content!

Whenever you look at me, you search for someone within me,

when you don't find them, you feel quite bad. Isn't that so, tell me?

That's why your pain is so great!

Because you're not well, I'm not well—do you understand this?

If you search for happiness keeping only one direction in mind,

who has the power to take away your sorrow?

Think a little about how well you are in so many ways!

You'll see how wonderfully you are!

To keep you dear and well, I give everything.

Think a little—isn't there some happiness in this?
Let me tell you about my own home, listen.

My mother had no daughters, she had seven sons.

Everyone only wished for this—let a daughter come to light up the house!

I came. Growing up in everyone's love with a healthy body.

The next story? I'll tell you, listen. Everyone said,

"Since you've come into this world anyway,

get into BUET or Medical College!"

What a mess! Handle the pressure of expectations!
For as long as you've known me, think and tell me—have you ever seen me angry?

Or going silent in deep hurt? Have you faced any protest to anything?

What you've gotten is only tears—and that not from any demands, nor from complaints.

What can I do, tell me—no anger comes toward you, no demands come... ah, I have no rights either!

One whose hurt no one soothes can only weep, isn't that so, tell me?

Let's not think about all that on this special day,

you're terribly dear to me—tell me, who becomes so dear just like that!

One whose existence is woven into the heart for a lifetime—that's who is dear!
I love your "you" so much, I live so much in your "you-ness,"

yet see, when I try to want you, how many rules and laws come to bind me!

You're my dearest, yet why am I not beside you on such a day?

I sent a tiny text—Happy Birthday! Nothing more, like everyone else! Am I dear, like everyone else?

On such a day I'd color your heart, but there's no opportunity at all!

Even to touch a loved one, why does society demand answers?

So many obstacles even to get a little! Even wanting half is bound in chains!
Beloved, smile a little! A little smile from your lips, from your eyes calms my heart,

all anger and hurt flee away!

However you are, stay that way for your whole life!

Or go ahead and get angry, but the very next moment spread a little smile on your lips,

give love or don't give it, just never forget me—that will be enough!

All your dreams, all your wishes, let them all live laughing,

live with them, keep working to achieve them,

let your affection for me grow a little,

love can be returned... but affection? That only keeps growing!
Just three more hours now!

I wished your birthday wishes would come in kisses and embraces today!

How else can my heart be satisfied?

What am I thinking! Where are you, and where am I!

What to do! I'm happy with so little!

When words journey to unknown lands,

then speaking in language becomes terribly difficult!

Yet since there's no way to be near you,

I seek refuge only in old words—I love you!

I want so much to call you, yet I can't,

peace flees, I sway in doubt—where are you, how are you...

Right now I'm that princess from Prometheus Bound who flees from life itself!

See, someday I'll stop forever, yet laughing I'll say only the last word—I love you so much!
Those you've kept in full feeling, for whom love awakens in your heart,

in prayers let them rise filled with dream-joy all day long, all life long.

My morning-evening babul bird, keep chirping and twittering in my heart,

just like this with a smiling face, joyful mind, live wonderfully in life's current!

This is my birthday wish!