Hey, listen!
No! Don’t call me.
Is it raining?
In your eyes, or outside?
Outside.
No!
Will you get drenched in the rain
and cling to me? My lips,
my tongue can’t bear your mouth!
My wet sari—
what about it? Then I’ll wrap myself around you.
I’ll become the black strap
of your bra!
You won’t be able to!
Under your sari
you won’t wear anything, promise?
Won’t wear anything?
In the chanting of busyness, false
words’ fragrance,/ your false
busyness is taking my life………..such deep resentment has built up—pitch-black resentment!
Why aren’t you pressing
your two stems against my mouth even now?????
Those two are hidden,
that’s why.
Hey darling! Don’t
unveil them!
The bearer shall not be
obliged to give upon mere desire!
Why keep them covered
even from me!!!! Hey…………
Hmm.
Give them!
No!
I want them so much!
I’m talking such nonsense
today! I’m leaving now.
No. Don’t go. Hey
darling! Are you lost?
No! I’ve sunk
down. Can you dive? Can you pull me up
from the bottom? If I struggle to breathe,
can you give me mouth-to-mouth?
I can do anything
for you.
You’re showing such
courage!
Why do you keep yourself
so guarded?? I am brave, after all!
I stay curled up because someone might slowly
peel away my layers and swallow me whole!
I’ll become your someone!
First think of me as
your intimate self, then we’ll see.
Won’t you think of me anymore?
How much have you really
thought, tell me!
Don’t you understand?
I understand.
And in trying to understand
I discovered……universal!
What’s universal???
Hey………have you left?
Hey…….where????
Yes, tell me. Have you eaten lunch? How is everyone at home?
Why are you leaving????
Hey!
What can I do? I feel so restless, suffering from your absence. If only you knew
how cruel this deprivation is!
Come into my heart!
Your heart is so densely populated,
I keep losing my way!
Why do you enjoy
misunderstanding me?????
Do you really like this at all?
Why can’t I declare with full voice
that you are… mine, mine, only mine? It hurts.
I’m yours!
Oh, come on!
I really have become
yours! I love you, darling!
Then why don’t I
feel it?
Hey!
Why, when I dive deep,
can I no longer find you?
Why don’t you
feel it?
Why, why?
Why don’t you love me???
Look at yourself to understand
this! Do you even love at all!
I do love.
No!
I feel restless when
I don’t see you.
Could you become a tree
for me?
I think of you so much.
I could.
So you have leisure enough
to think!
Why do you keep scolding??
This might just be
a madwoman’s raving to you! Maybe I have gone mad! No, I feel so restless!
My heart feels so strange!
Hold me very, very,
very tight!!!! Hide in my chest.
You don’t have to
love me.
You don’t have to
say you love me either.
You don’t have to touch
my lips with deep emotion.
You don’t have to meet
and talk routinely like everyone else.
You don’t have to take me
for puchka in the evening either.
You don’t have to tuck
even a single rose into this bun.
Among all these countless
‘don’ts,’ you’ll have to do just one thing…
When I say ‘I love you’
once every day,
you’ll smile softly,
and in a voice touched with affection,
say… silly girl!
Hold me,
hold me tight!
Oh, how sweet my little madwoman is!! I’m holding you!
I’ve been afflicted by
one devastating ‘you’!
So have I,
darling!
What a sweet warmth
you’re giving me! I’m melting like a candle, dripping away. And whenever the melted wax hardens, you only
see that part. Oh, my fate!
You’ve merged so completely
with my mind and body—what a state I’m in!
I want to wrap myself
around your blood cells, so you can never
separate me!
When age weighs you down
and you begin to stoop, when wrinkles crease your skin,
when thick-framed powerful
glasses cover your sharp gaze, even then, beloved, you will see that these tired
eyes of mine will remain full of love. Yes…even then this hand will give you comfort
and carry you to the final chapter of life’s story.
You’re thinking I’ve gone crazy! Think whatever you like! My heart feels so restless
today! Is this love, or just anxiety?
I can’t hide myself anymore
today. Oh God, what am I doing!
I’m not thinking
you’re crazy. I want to love you so very much, darling! Tell me you’ll never leave!
Whatever happens,
I’ll make myself liquid
for you.
Do it.
So that whatever vessel
you place me in, I can take
its shape and remain there…just so I can remain!
But when I look,
what’s this! You’re not mine!
Such a vast emptiness, I’m afraid even to look,
it’s been so long since I looked!
I’ve learned to look, that’s why living
without looking hurts!
I will drink you
to quench my thirst…you’re enjoying thinking about the aftermath, aren’t you?
If I enjoyed it, that wouldn’t
be bad! Do you know the pain when a small fish bone gets stuck in your throat? That’s how it feels.
How I’m feeling,
do you understand??
No!
Can’t you feel
me??…darling, where are you? Baby…darling, baby!
Hmm.
Where did you go?
To pray. And
I ate.
Busy?
I’m not you,
I don’t have all that
busyness.
How long I’ve been
waiting!
What got into you today?
Are you finding peace
by hurting me?
No!
Not even a drop!
Then?
I’m in pain.
Are you giving that
to me, then?
I don’t know.
Will you disappear
from my life?
Are you trying to drive me away
by saying this again and again?
The fear is growing.
I feel so restless. This baby of mine!
Me too! What shall I
do, tell me! Will anyone ever dissolve the red alta
on my feet with their saliva!
I will.
Promise!
I don’t know.
I’ll fill your whole body with saliva. No objections?
Who has forbidden
this……..let her play hide-and-seek with her nose in the curve of his neck! Let him become intoxicated…….captive
in the scent of loose hair! Let his madness grow in the touch of warm breath. Let all the unspoken words
spill from lip to lip. The red alta on her feet………let him wipe it away with saliva.
In imagination……..in reality she is beyond even touch!
You’re so dear to me!
No! I can’t
accept it.
Then? Why can’t you?
Because you won’t
take me.
I’ve never drowned this deep
in anyone before.
I don’t believe it.
Why?
That’s what I can’t
understand.
Baby, you don’t believe anything I say.
One more
thing……….
Tell me.
Whatever you want to
share with me, share it only if it’s not the kind of thing
you’d share with anyone else. Otherwise I don’t like it. It’s not that you have to share
everything with me. But
I don’t want that love which you distribute among ten people! I’d rather remain in emptiness if necessary!
I want to share everything
with you. Darling, I don’t give
anything to anyone else. Baby!
Mmm.
Will you give me your neck?
No. Even the air from
your breath on my neck makes me tingle.
Won’t you give it?
Nope.
I’ll take it anyway!
Where are you now?
In Natore.
What are you doing there?
I live here
now!
Meaning?
Your posting is there?
Since when?
Where in Natore do you stay?
One year. In the town.
Hmm.
My aunt’s house is in
Natore. We could meet if I went there.
You come here.
Okay.
Can’t you come
for me?
Well, if I go now it would be
only for you! My cousins are going crazy telling me to visit!
When will you come?
During Eid. For a few
days. Then every moment of mine will be yours!
That’s so far away!
Just two months.
Stay with me!
Oh my! Will you really
keep me?
Yes, I’ll keep you.
Okay.
You’re such a
sweet darling!
You are the longing in my eyes,
you are my most beloved
poem, you are every whim
of my hair, you are the capital
of my poetry.
Come up on my chest.
On the ribs?
Yes.
What if it hurts
you?
It won’t. I have
plenty of stamina!
Will you keep your eyes
on mine? Don’t ever look into my eyes!
I’ll hold you
tenderly.
And?
This weaver bird, my darling!
Yes, tell me!
Good evening,
little weaver bird! So much
affection!
Every chamber
of my heart has realized, I won’t find
you again in this lifetime.
I won’t be able to touch
that forehead even once more, won’t hear again
that voice filled with madness.
I’m deprived
even of the chance to see you.
This lifetime will surely pass
in failure……
My soul has died
in terrible impatience!
But I’m telling you
now……
In the next lifetime, I will
touch you, no evil force’s hundred
attempts will be able to stop me.
I’ll spend time in fulfilled
bliss, riding rickshaws
with ribs half-broken.
I’ll break open the abundance
of my heart and pour out all the words that weren’t
said in the previous life.
You’ll be amazed
at first,
In response to my offering
of love, you’ll say…….I love you too! I did love you! By fate’s turn,
it wasn’t said in that lifetime.
Today I tell you,
I was drunk on your love too,
but didn’t say it out of fear!
And laughing, I’ll wrap you
in my arms and hold you, and fulfill
the desires of the previous life, touching
lips to cheek, building kingdoms
in that body and mind, merging with your soul. My
existence will dissolve only into you.
You write so beautifully,
beloved!
I can’t write like you,
but today I’ve found answers to some
questions. Leave all that. Where are you? What are you doing? What do you do all afternoon, dear?
In Natore. I’ll have tea.
Had some work. Finishing it. What are you doing, weaver bird?
I was reading. Now
it’s prayer time. Bye bye. Come and knock.
I’ll write a little,
okay?
Write away!
I’ll also sit down
to read a little.
Give me some affection
before you go!
Sparrow, listen to me!
Fine, then I won’t
write.
Huh! Will I have someone
of my own? Someone who’ll just guide me,
teach me right from wrong. Don’t I
have anyone like that to show me the path between good and bad, just the way fathers teach their children?
I will be. But you
should doubt me less. It hurts.
Scold me,
hit me, but never leave me alone. I just
flounder when I’m all by myself! Look, I’ve seen nothing but
betrayal since birth! That’s maybe why I’m afraid to trust. You adjust a little. Don’t
misunderstand me! Write. I’m coming.
You’re going to get such
a scolding!!!
Give it to meeeee!
Why do you say it like that??
That’s my
capital of love!
…………………………………………….
Babui, where are you? Why aren’t you coming online even though you’re there?
Huh! Oh my god!
I wasn’t even here! I just came!
Hey Babui,
where are you? Who are you busy with?
Hey listen! Why don’t you
coo anymore?
What did I ask?
……………………………………………..
Hey!! Have you had
dinner? Where were you all this time?
I called you. You
don’t care!
I wasn’t near
the phone!
Why? Where were you all this time?
Applying
henna.
On whom? I see. That’s why you weren’t there? Didn’t pick up the phone?
I wasn’t near
the phone!
I was getting
restless. Sorry.
Sorry for what?
I yearn for you! I feel
tenderness for you! There!
You do?
Yes.
Have you eaten?
Yes. You?
Yeah. When do you
sleep?
When I go to Dhaka, will you
talk to me on the phone all day and all night?………..It doesn’t feel right.
Would you be happy if I said yes?
If you don’t want to,
don’t say it.
Is this an answer
to my question?
I don’t believe in
one-sided love. Hey! What are you busy with?????
Not busy!
Why don’t you read
messages even when you’re online?
Sweetheart, listen! I wasn’t there!
You were online.
I saw. Who were you busy with??????
Oh God!
Tell me the truth! I’m
getting angry!
Listen to me!
Tell me.
Miss you. Don’t
be angry.
Don’t forget me.
Tell me properly.
That’s in your
nature, not mine.
Who’s with you now?
Who? Don’t talk nonsense. Not mine.
Just Ma.
She’s sleeping.
Should I call?
Go ahead. I’m
calling. Where did you go? Good night.
Hey! I’d fallen
asleep.
Where had you gone?
I called so many times.
You called right when
I was sleeping.
I had called you.
Where were you then?
I was sleeping,
silly.
Liar. Don’t lie.
I called right while we were chatting.
I really fell
asleep.
Look at the time! You
don’t sleep at that hour.
Are you fighting?
Yes.
Am I lying?
Mm-hmm. Call me!
I’m in the
washroom right now.
You mule!
Why??????
You took your phone
to the washroom too!
Hey dummy!
Yes, tell me.
Yeah, I brought it.
I just woke up.
It’s gotten late. I have class at 11. Need to freshen up. Come quickly. Let me talk
a bit before I go.
When did you come
to Dhaka? You didn’t tell me.
Ugh! I thought I’d
surprise you! Then I completely
forgot! I came yesterday morning.
You hide so many
things from me, don’t you? Fine, whatever.
Hey come on!
Where did I hide anything? Come over! Let me talk
a bit before I go.
You’re rotten.
Yeah.
Go eat. You’re
angry.
Fine!
Fine, is it?
Yeah.
Alright.
Alright.
You’re ignoring
me.
No!
You don’t care!
Online but no reply!
Sparrow, will you love me a little? I’m feeling really down. See, you’re not there when I’m sad!
Don’t misunderstand.
I’m with you between office work.
Want to read a story?
Yes.
Before twilight
could end.
You wrote on the wall.
Oh really! You check
my wall?
How much I want to
dedicate to you on my wall! I don’t, out of fear, lest…
I always check.
Do you truly
love me?
Yes!
I’m terribly…
I’ll go now. Eat on time. Miss you.
Where are you?
Did you eat lunch? I have an invitation.
………………………………………………
We won!
Hats off, Tigers!
This late?
I just got here!
I see. Got it.
What are you doing?
Sat down at the laptop.
Thinking I’ll write.
Write.
Okay. We’ll talk
all night.
Why?
Never mind, we won’t.
Okay, I’m going.
Good night!
Great! I was wondering
about that. Thanks.
I have absolutely no
desire to fight.
I’m willing to throw
punches to keep from losing you. A fight would be nothing by comparison.
Are you feeling down?
What difference would
it make to anyone if I’m not feeling well?
Would I ask if it
made no difference?
You’re only asking
for the sake of asking.
Do you enjoy thinking
terrible things about me?
No! Absolutely not!
It twists my heart.
Then why don’t you
believe anything I say? Because I’m so focused on convincing you, I can’t speak naturally anymore.
I don’t understand.
Whatever I say,
you disbelieve.
I feel uncomfortable. Like I’m guilty of something.
Have you eaten? It bothers me when you don’t see my messages, understand?
I’m listening to ghazals. It’s
impossible that I’d ignore your messages on purpose.
I’ve eaten. Have
you?
………………………………..
Good morning.
I love you!
Hey…
Hmm.
Nothing. Have you eaten?
Poison?
Can I say something?…No, nectar!
Go ahead.
Why did you say
‘you women’ yesterday?
I don’t know.
You’ll tell me now. You dissolved me into your ‘you all’! Can’t help but applaud!
I’ve given you the answer you deserved.
Give me a straight answer. What have I done?
Nothing. I won’t tell you.
You have to!
Why do I have to?
Because you… no, for no reason at all you have to! I can’t exactly shout that you’re mine!
I understand. Whether I exist in your life or not makes no difference to you whatsoever. That’s what I’ve realized these past few days. I’ve cheapened myself so much in your eyes.
Doesn’t your heart stop when you say that? Fine, then don’t cheapen yourself anymore. Make yourself a complete stranger. I won’t drag you down so low anymore. You’re feeling guilty because of me. I’ll do whatever it takes to stop that. You’ve thought yourself so cheap for my sake in one day. Forgive me if you can. Don’t take it as a crime. I’m leaving. Farewell.
Wonderful! Good. You never really came anyway, so saying you’re leaving doesn’t hurt you one bit. I’d thought this before, today I believe it.
Hey! Listen!
Either take me close, or push me away. I can’t bear this inside-outside.
I’ll take you close. For a lifetime, if you agree.
Rather, I’ll say even if you don’t agree, I’ll take you by force. Then in this joy, even if you didn’t take me, I’d have spent my life till death!
You haven’t given me the right to force you.
Rights have to be claimed, they’re not things to be given.
I tried and failed.
Your effort was lacking then.
Maybe.
Yes indeed.
……………………………………
Very sweet voice, darling. When did you sing that song?
Thanks.
I love you.
And?
Do you love me?
And?
Answer me.
I won’t.
Fine. You won’t?
What?
Answer.
How is everyone at home?
Fine.
Listen…
Is everyone well at your home? … Yes, go on.
Should I curl my hair?
No. I’ll caress this hair first. Then I’ll let you know.
All right.
Then I’ll grow my hair
long. So you can caress it at length.
I love playing with
my hair so much.
Comb through my
hair……….
Let’s meet,
then.
Why did you put on vermillion?
I like it,
that’s why.
I’ll put it on you.
Playfully!
Not playfully,
but as love’s rightful claim. Will you
bring it in your bag the day I come there, please?
You’ll bring that.
Fine. Shell bangles?
Can you manage?
I’ll put them on you.
That would be lovely!
All right.
What kind of sari do you like?
Black.
I’ll come wearing a
black sari then.
What kind of sari
should I buy?
Just bring the bangles and vermillion.
And jasmine flowers too.
I’ll give you a sari.
The groom must give the bride a sari.
I’ll wrap myself around
the groom and hide myself away, so it’s
unnecessary there. But if it’s custom, then bring
whatever pleases your heart.
Then we’ll both wrap
ourselves in it, entwine ourselves. I’ll drape the sari
with such care, then remove it so
slowly. This is my dream.
Darling! This is my
fulfillment. And in the bridal chamber will linger the fragrance of jasmine woven in my hair. And I’ll feel as if that fragrance were a serpent coiling around me from beginning to end.
I’ll kiss every inch
of your body with deep love.
I won’t let a single
hair of yours go untouched!
I love
this.
Then that’s how it will be!
Tenderness is far greater
than union.
That tenderness of yours is what
I want to receive.
Only after you’re fully
awakened and accept me will I let myself be received.
I want to dissolve myself
into every part of you, so that even when I’m not beside you, you can feel me being even closer!
I have so many
fantasies! Beside them, blue films are child’s play.
Of course!
Don’t you have any?
I do indeed!
Tell me.
But then I’ll become
impatient!
Tell me anyway!
No, today I’ll listen to yours. Tell me.
You tell me.
Tell me, darling!
Wild?
Or mild?
I like it strong—
whether coffee or tea!
Have you read
this story before?
Let me see, wait.
Well. This…!
Tell me.
I love it!
You do!
Absolutely adore this!
What a voice! Listen!
Me too!
I listen to it almost
every day. After hearing this a few times, I thought of you. I fell in love with the
reciter. It made me want to recite poetry the way they used to in the old days.
Then let it happen!!
I used to sing once,
recite on stage.
The day you come, that’s when it’ll happen. In the
coffee’s steam.
I’ll be waiting…….
When will you come?
Very soon!
Approximately?
Do you know what I
feel sometimes?
What?
Like hiding away
inside you.
Come!
And then I also feel like
running to you with all my heart!
I haven’t stopped you.
Hmm.
Have I stopped you?
No! It’s me who doesn’t
listen to you! I’m such a wayward thing!
Become my sweet
darling then.
You’ll make that
happen!
When are you coming?
On Eid.
Then you’ll say you’re
going to your aunt’s place.
That’s close to you!
I’m only going because you’ll be there.
But how will you stay
at my place then?
Mmm, at least I’ll get
to see you every day up close! That’ll be enough for me.
Won’t you come to my place?
I can’t say that!
Then how will we
meet?
From there, it’ll take
20 minutes or 45 minutes to reach you.
Should I stay back at
the office this Eid then?
Won’t there be trouble
if you don’t go home?
I’ll manage.
No! You should go.
Why?