Sometimes I want to
stay at a distance!
I feel
restless.
I want to feel
a little restless!
Don’t you feel it?
I do!
Don’t come to me,
please!!!!!!!! Hey!
No way!
Why? Why don’t you reply even when you’re online?
Listen, darling! I’m terribly sleepy!
Who do you talk to
online?
I stayed up all this time
for you! Otherwise I’d have left ages ago!
Should I call?
Just coming from the
washroom. Wait. When will you sleep?
I’m going
to sleep!
Why?
If you want, I’ll
stay awake.
Ugh! Why should I have to
ask? This is my fate!
It’s barren! Noooo, this fate! Let joy flood over me, please!
There. Should my tongue travel from
forehead to the soles of your feet?
Mmmmm, what’s wrong
with that?
Straight down?
Not into the abyss!
Let the tongue enter!
No! Today just
melt into my neck, another day you can make up for everything.
Done.
I’ll spend a hundred lifetimes
with my tongue on the right and left of your neck. Because that’s my most secret preference and
desire.
Do you like chest hair?
Yes.
I have some. Baby!
What?
I love you!
Hey, listen!
Tell me!
Will you protect me?
I will.
I get so scared
when I’m all alone!
Are you alone?
I’m drowning in
this reality called the world! I’m afraid to take every step forward. I’m even afraid to talk to anyone.
Without a guardian I’m like an open treasure chest.
I’m here beside you.
You have this sort of
predatory attitude! I get so scared.
I’ll be your
guardian.
I’m so timid
and withdrawn! I’m afraid to spread my wings!
Hold me tight
and live!
I’m scared!
Of me too?
You’re human too!
You change as well.
Fine, then take your time!
Will you touch
my pain?
I’ll hold it close.
What if it feels
too heavy?
Love accepts
everything!
Will you adjust to it,
or simply accept it?
I’ll adjust.
Don’t stay up so late.
Okay.
Go to sleep. What time
is work tomorrow?
Won’t you sleep?
Will you put me
to sleep?
I have a meeting at nine tomorrow.
Come to my chest.
Part my hair and let me lie on your chest while you tell me fairy tales to put me to sleep. Listen, can you braid hair?
Yes.
Will you braid my hair
every day?
I will.
Listen!
Hmm.
Do you really,
truly love me?
I love you!
Okay. Let’s sleep.
Good night.
I got up to get
the AC remote.
…………………………………………..
Good morning,
babui.
Good morning,
chorui.
Where did you disappear to yesterday??? Hey! Why aren’t you answering your phone? Where are you?
When? You didn’t call! Have you eaten this morning? Have you talked to home? How is everyone at home?
I called this morning.
What! I didn’t get through!
I’m in a meeting.
Oh! When will you be back?
Toward evening.
I see. Want some jujube?
I’ll eat it from your mouth.
Will you feed me? Wheeeeere????
Yes.
No word from you!
You’re the one keeping me
busy with your busyness today!
Why?
What are you doing?
Listening to music. I’ll come
to Dhaka tomorrow. Evening.
For work?
Some work to do.
We’ll meet.
Why?
Why, what do you mean?
Let’s not meet.
Why?
Being far away feels
so nice!
I don’t understand.
What?
Why don’t you want
to meet?
I’m scared.
Of what?
I don’t know!
Won’t you meet?
No!
You mean, you’ll never meet?
It’s not that either!
Then what?
I don’t know you
well enough!
So you won’t meet
me?
Let’s get to know each other first.
Meaning?
Then maybe we can meet
some monsoon.
Is this ID fake?
Strange!
It is fake!
Why? Oh God!
You said we’re
strangers!
Look at the very first
message.
Oh, the formal ‘you’! How
can you turn away like that, tell me!
We’re
strangers—you said so yourself.
You seem to have forgotten,
you said you don’t add strangers. In that sense, we’re still strangers!
I’ve added you. Now
tell me.
I’m uncomfortable!
Will we meet?
No!
You have so many
doubts! Why won’t we meet?
What if I say for no reason!
Meaning, you’re not interested.
Are you going to argue today?
I’m asking you
directly.
I need time.
I have many fears.
Why?
I really don’t feel like
arguing today!
You mean, we’ll never meet, just virtual chatting?
Did I say that?
Then why won’t you
meet?
I said I won’t tomorrow,
that’s what I said
Day after? The day after that?
And if you think I’m fake
you can block me………….I wanted to on Eid.
You don’t want to understand
what I’m thinking.
But you explained it!
I said,
let’s meet.
Did I ever say I would
never meet?
Meaning?
Can’t I make myself
clear? Or don’t you
want to understand?
Why don’t you want
to meet? I asked you something.
I’m not well,
that’s why.
Why?
I won’t say.
Alright.
……………………………
I saw the picture. You don’t
pet a cat on its head,
you pet it on its neck.
I see. How are you?
However you’ve kept me.
What right do I have
to keep you anywhere?
Oh, sorry! I’m
fake, after all. I’d completely forgotten.
That’s not it. You haven’t given
me that right.
Wow, how beautifully you can read minds!
No! I’ve only read
what you’ve taught me to read.
Then my teaching must seem
utterly wretched!
Whatever seems, seems!
There’s nothing to seeming,
everything’s transparent, isn’t it!
You think it’s
transparent? Fine, alright.
Alright.
I saw your post
about virtual relationships. It really is true!
Yes.
You wanted to keep
our relationship virtual. I’ve realized that you talk to me just as
a way to pass time.
Good God! What category
are you placing me in, sparrow?
I’m saying these things
from deep sorrow.
If I had such intentions,
I would have annoyed you to death by now after following you all this time. I don’t understand
such complications, sparrow!
You come to my mind every
moment, enter my thoughts. That’s why
I knock shamelessly.
Don’t live in duality.
Have I said anything to you that makes you despise me like this?
Let me say something,
listen. You can say many beautiful things.
But that doesn’t mean that lies and shallow words become beautiful just because you say them.
You can really say this!
You’re investigating because I’m not telling any lies!
Don’t write words
just for the sake of writing words!
What I am,
I’m writing exactly that
to you!
No. You write whatever
comes in your mirror. The mistakes of your mind
circle back in your mirror, that’s where you live.
Wrong!!
Don’t force your thoughts
on me. You’re not the only infallible person in the world.
I’m not infallible.
Will you fight with me now? Stay away
from love!
Anyway,
these past few days have made me realize — you just don’t care. Whether I reach out or not doesn’t matter to you at all. Whether I’m here or gone, you don’t give it a shit!
Every time I think
I’ll forget myself and love you freely,
I burn once more in this separation!
When I message you, at least you respond properly?
Yes, I do.
What you’re calling
“don’t care” — is it really not caring? Why don’t you think it might be me not wanting to disturb you at work?
Have you reached out
even once? Whatever contact there’s been, I’ve initiated. Maybe I’ve even been annoying, but I still did it. Loving feels so wonderful — thank you for that. (I know you’ll joke about this too, think I’m being fake.)
You really love me?
Are you saying goodbye?
I can’t bear this
one-sided love anymore. It feels like I’m forcing myself to stay, holding on desperately. Goodbye will hurt, but it’ll be more peaceful than this — more than any recognition or mutual indifference.
I’m that much of
a burden to you!
There you go again!
Misunderstanding in your own way and then telling me, making me bleed. You’re incredibly cruel! If I hadn’t fallen in love, I’d surely curse you.
Go ahead, curse me…
so no one becomes my lover! So no lover like you comes just to leave!
You say these awful
things on purpose, don’t you? Do you enjoy kicking my heart around?
Such audacity never
even crosses my mind!
Why are you lying?
You keep doing exactly this.
What’s happening to
you? Why are you in such a mood? Are you angry at someone?
I’m hurting. I feel
cheap to myself around you. I’m angry at myself for wanting you. If you must, don’t talk to me — but don’t talk to me in ways that wound.
Will you hold me for a moment?… If I leave? Alright, I’m coming then. Good night.
I won’t. I had made
you my habit. Then you made me understand — I’m just a virtual boyfriend. One shouldn’t expect much from a virtual boyfriend. Good night… You’re sleeping soundly while I can’t sleep at all, and that doesn’t bother you one bit!
…………………………………………
Sparrow! Good morning!
Have you eaten? Did you talk to your family? How is everyone? Don’t be angry, my little bird! You don’t look good playing Devdas. Go shave.
I’m in Dhaka.
When did you arrive?
This morning.
I texted as soon as
I arrived. Check your messages.
Have you eaten? Where are you now? Was there a meeting?
Haven’t eaten. Had
some work to do.
What are you doing?
I’m in Gulshan 2.
Just woke up.
Coming back today?
Tell me about yourself.
I’m here. Will return
tomorrow. Where are you?
At BUET.
For work?
Yes.
What kind of work?
Gave an exam.
What exam?
Job exam.
I see.
What job?
Directorate of Technical Education.
Haven’t eaten yet? Go, eat something first.
I’m longing to see you.
Did you eat lunch?
Wait a little longer,
my heart! I’ve eaten.
What catastrophe would
happen if we met?
……………………………………………..
Hey, you know!
Tell me, baby.
You are a sky.
You are a life. What are you doing?
Out. With friends.
When will you return to your room?
Haven’t decided.
Alright.
Won’t you meet me?
Nope. At Eid.
I’m yearning so much.
Let that yearning take
a more intense form.
Will you torment me?
Mmmmm, I’ll give you
a little anguish.
……………………………………..
Watching the game.
I know.
How?
When you think about someone
constantly, knowing such things is utterly trivial!
Alright, I believe you.
Good.
……………………………….
Hey!
Yes?
I’m waiting.
I was too………….
Tell me now.
After waiting for so long,
all restlessness comes to an end.
I see. Then why does my
restlessness for you never end?
It has ended,
you just can’t accept it.
You always impose your words.
You did it again!
No! You don’t want
to accept it.
Think what you want!
I thought so.
Fine.
……………………………………..
I love you!…………………….You’re not even reading my messages. Great!………………Had quite a bit of fun for a few days! Good!
Just like you!
Did you really enjoy it?
Wow! You’re something! Ugh!!
Don’t throw arrows of words!
I just said what’s true!
Since you’ve said it, I won’t make it false!
I said whatever you remember.
That’s why you’re so happy!
Fine!
It won’t work unless it comes from your heart!
I’m happy!
About what?
That I made it easy for you to fulfill your wish.
Listen, first ask yourself. Look!
By asking myself, I keep knocking on you over and over again.
And I’m also feeling pretty awful being your football. If you feel like talking, talk; otherwise, don’t even read the messages. I’m human too. And I’m not completely heartless either. But you know what? My love—that’s something you don’t have to deal with half-heartedly. That’s mine alone.
And yes………I’m harmful for you. Because I too am a helpless person……….The main problem with standing by helpless people is that since all helpless people are confused and impulsive, they can harm you at any time, or stand by your enemies. Generally, helpless people have no fixed character. It’s true that if you’re born, you must die; and it’s an even greater truth that if you help others, you’ll die several times before actually dying. Those who never help anyone are the safest.
The very ones you’d bare your chest for will be the first to plunge a knife into it.
—That’s exactly what you’re like!…………You better stay away from me!
What you’re saying, you know yourself that these are blatant lies. Yet it feels good to say them, or you’re making up lies to show some reason why you need to move away.
You’re eloquently expressing thoughts I’ve never even had. How can you read my mind so beautifully!! Even after taking that Quantum Method course, I see no improvement in this area. Oh God, don’t shatter everything!
Where did you learn the art of casually forcing things on me that I wouldn’t even dream of thinking?
Hey! Where did I force anything? The main point is, you’re tormenting me, and I’m not burning—that’s what’s burning you up. I used to be like that in the beginning too. Now I’ve gotten used to your neglect! You knock in the morning, I answer in the evening.
Stop this nonsense!
Where was all this from you back then!!
You pile on
so many made-up stories. You’ve been doing this from the very beginning.
What exactly have I
piled on, let’s hear!
Your addiction to
placing blame is fierce!! Whether that fault exists or not!
If I speak, you react
like this, but if I keep my mouth shut, it’s the same story. Crocodiles in the water, tigers on land—that’s my plight!
That’s not it. If you
must speak, speak the truth. If you say whatever pleases you, it might not be true. Whatever is true, however bitter it may be, I have no trouble accepting it.
Is this how you speak
to me because I’ve asked for a little love like a chataka bird? I’m coming now. Stay tonight.
Again you’re imposing
words in your own cruel way? Doesn’t your conscience object to imposing something that isn’t true? Don’t you feel shame?
No! I don’t even have
any shame left. If I did, would I still be speaking after all the things you’ve said!!
You’re not speaking,
I’m forcing you to speak.
I learned it all from
you……………not reading messages. Going offline. Being late.
But I’m the one sending
messages.
Who are you talking
to?
Meaning?
How many days haven’t
you sent any, remember?
Don’t pick fights for
no reason.
Learn to speak the truth!
Fine.
Fine what?????????????????
What happened? Answer me! You’re doing whatever you please with me!
Exactly what you said!
Meaning? What exactly?
Didn’t you just say
learn to speak the truth!
Good grief!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is infuriating.
Why?
If you don’t understand,
let it stay that way!
Why should I have to
talk to you every day?
Talking doesn’t achieve
anything!
Could you kill me?
Just kill me instead! There are plenty who would weep for you. No one would weep for me. Just kill me!
Oh I see!!! You’ll kill
me with the magic of your words!
So dramatic!
You’re the one being
dramatic!
No, you’re the goddess
of drama!
Hmm!
Hmmmmmm!
Have you had dinner?
Yes. And you?
Yes. My foot is
killing me today.
Why? How?
My foot got
bloodied. I tripped.
Where? So much blood came out????
On the way back from
class.
Where? How?
There was something
sharp there!
Where was that?
Ugh, I often trip and
slip. Today I fell on the inner road of Shamoli.
Were you alone?
Yes.
Then what? Didn’t you bandage it?
I was walking back to
my room through the inside………..No! When I got to my room, I washed off the blood and
put on a few one-time bandages. No big deal! It’ll heal.
Painkillers?
Let there be a little
pain! I like it.
Meaning?
When I get cut, I put
salt and chili on it. I like to keep the pain alive.
Oh!
Hmm! What are you doing?
Nothing. I’m feeling
hot.
Phewwwwww………
I’m thinking of taking a shower.
Now it should feel
cold.
What are you doing?
Writing to you.
It’s very hot here.
Yes, I know. And it rains a lot too. In the rural areas
the water level rises dangerously.
No rain now.
I see.
Now only fire.
Then go take a shower.
Go on. You won’t need to pour too much water.
I’ll go. At night.
Alright.
Dry your hair properly.
You pour it carefully.
Otherwise you’ll catch
a cold even in this heat. Come on! Here, take the towel.
Don’t say such things.
It feels all jumbled. Really.
Sheesh! Just go!
Let me watch something
rotten first. Then I’ll go.
Why?
I’ll get even hotter.
You won’t understand.
Aren’t you already
feeling hot?
Yeah.
Go, quickly take a shower and come back.
Heh heh heh
………..It hasn’t happened yet. When it does, I’ll go.
You pervert!
Meow!
Woof woof!
Let me watch Ocean
Confluence.
Yuckkkk!
Huh!
What are you doing now?
Watching.
What? Hey, isn’t the seawater going inside?
Quickly putting on a mask over his face.
Oh no… there’s no mask down below!
Now it’s the mountain scene!
Why do they do it outdoors?
Do what outdoors?
That stuff. Under the sea. On mountains.
It’s all fantasy. If I had settings like that, I’d do it too.
………………………………………….
You’re not even showing online when you’re here.
I wasn’t.
What do you mean?
I wasn’t online.
Oh, I see!
What are you doing?
Lying down.
There’s going to be a match! Brazil vs Argentina! Heh heh heh!
……………………………….
Good morning. How are you?
Good. How are you? Have you eaten? Did you talk to your family? How is everyone at home?
Just ate. Have you eaten? Everyone’s well. How is everyone at your place?
Yes, I’ve eaten. Ma is well.
Good.
………………………………
Oh hello! What are you doing?
Yes, tell me. I’m writing. What are you doing?
Did you have anything for dinner? I just came back from class a little while ago.
I had ice cream, chanachur fritters. So late coming back from class!
Takes time walking back.
What’s wrong with taking a rickshaw?
I need to go out for a bit now. Need to buy some food.
Okay.
If I were around there, I would buy and bring it for you. Really would.
If you stayed here, we’d walk together every evening. Listen, when exactly are you coming to Dhaka?
Yes, we’d walk, if you’d even bother to meet me!
I’m going to punch you so hard!
But you didn’t meet me.
When I do, I’ll stick to you like chewing gum!
Oh!
Listen! Let me ask you something.
Hmm.
Do you really, truly love me?
If you don’t understand that, I won’t answer anymore.
I love hearing it. Tell me every day.
I won’t tell you.
You answer me every day.
You won’t tell me? Fine.
No.
Then why would you tell me?
You have people who love you
far more than I do!
I’ve told you every single day.
All I’ve gotten in return is mockery!
And yes,
don’t write “meow” to me anymore!
After reading that post on your wall, I couldn’t read any further! I finally understand you were mocking me! Don’t make me the heroine
of your stories.
Don’t compare yourself
to my writing.
I’m feeling impossibly
awful. I’m hurting in so many ways. And like a fool, I’ve gone and revealed
that too!
Darling, I truly become a different person when I write.
Why am I such a fool?
Such a simpleton!
Ugh, darling,
ugh!
I find myself
utterly unbearable!
If you don’t believe me,
what else can I say!!
No! Why am I
hurting! No! I absolutely won’t let this happen! Absolutely not!
……………………………………….
Good morning.
Wow! I’ve seen the message and
still no reply!! Say something directly!
I don’t feel like it!
Great! Fine then.
…………………………………………..
Hey!
Hmm.
How are you?
Exactly how and where and as
you left me, that’s exactly how I am.
How are you?
Same here.
……………………………………………….
Good morning.
Good afternoon.
You flirt with so many
guys anyway. Was I just another project like that? Or a conquest challenge?
You’re thinking whatever
suits you! If I were the kind of person who treated people like projects, I would have demolished you completely. I wish I were…if I point my finger at you? Did you ever truly bind me with the meaning of love?
The whole thing was just momentary
attraction…yes, nothing but attraction!
…Why are you silent now? This is exactly why I have to summon enough dignity to message you! I never got an immediate reply! You’re exactly as treacherous…as light humiliates darkness! Just as shadow humiliates darkness…when I spend my days waiting hopefully in the inbox…you’re terribly busy then, playing games with hearts.
Say something bitter…and I’ll just leave! I feel like joining
the game myself!
………………………………
Great, unfriended!!
Was all this drama really necessary for this! If you’d just told me, I wouldn’t have made you uncomfortable!
Finally, you’ve succeeded! I’m leaving. Goodbye.