Before leaving the long 'a' behind

- Neela, terribly busy world; how meaninglessly people live without busyness.
- The easy path to staying well, to forgetting—there's only one way... staying busy for reasons and no reasons!
- Spoken love today suddenly feels like a loveless third dimension!
- Sometimes... but I won't give you certainty just yet!
- Life lives on like a ruined person! Must live on... how obligated humans are!
- What is this matter of obligation?
- Obligation! What more can I say... does it seem I just said it casually? Assume I'm speaking of worldly, attachment-bound duties!
- Today all harsh duties belong to time; and the duty of dreams?... that was settled long ago!
- My personal hours went up for auction ages ago... in some terrible new moon or sweet moonlight... yet today I seem well enough!
- Was there any particular reason?
- No! What reasons do bound people have!!
- Should I call it resentment? Or self-reproach?
- What do I know! I have no complaints against the world, only I wonder... did I destroy much beauty in the world?!
- One who constantly creates beauty, how can she destroy again? Maya stands blocking the path!
- Self-satisfaction is good to have; I want to be satisfied, yet I cannot... walking this path with so much pallor...
- Why do all the colors disappear? From what sense of lack?
- I am nothing but the neglected adolescence of a person.
- Has no one come to give completeness?
- Completeness!! Some boy or youth was seen in terrible anguish by an immigrant kash-grass maiden!
- Was that maiden beyond touch?
- Perhaps... perhaps not.
- Did spring never come again?
- From then began the birth of maroon-colored spring! Beyond understanding, terribly lonely since then.
- Loneliness, pallor... where do these end?
- This walking on paths, though mostly wrong paths, then returning... then first steps again, this is it... this way one day I'll touch the finish line.
- Oh! May all souls in this world find some peace.
- Am I gradually becoming talkative?
- Has anyone objected to that?
- Well Neela, it rained hard today I think... what you called the clouds' weeping?
- Good thing, I didn't touch it at all!
- Without touching, you can still make it touch... that's what I think!
- Then perhaps I'll have to get drenched once.
- Girl, don't paint clouds in your eyes; if you do, the river will suffer greatly.
- I'll put on kohl then. I used to get very wet before, once I was chased by many swans. There was happiness in that, though.
- Ah happiness... happiness, where have you made your home!
- In that green field, among the swans it has stopped still!
- There some endangered person is perhaps terribly lonely!
- All the green of the world is now trapped in peacock feathers! Humans are utterly helpless there.
- This morning I read Kadambari Devi's suicide note.
- It was read once before; say something about it, let me hear.
- I wouldn't dare presume.
- Surely some feelings can be expressed!
- If I ever find courage, I'll speak. I feel I'm gradually becoming a parasitic person!
- This is the tree's different kind of love!
- The purity needed to accept it—I'd have to wait another lifetime to come close to that.
- Ah! I can't keep up with you. My understanding needs more maturity!
- The generation belongs to women... let the defeat remain mine then.
- No! I quite like being defeated. One learns from it.
- Today I've uttered the name Neela a few times, haven't I? I say again, Neela never gets defeated.
- Hmm, I quite liked hearing that. Does the name Neela tell many stories? I think the name has given birth to stories and left them behind!
- You've said it beautifully, you too have a classical story. Or many defeated stories want to cling to you and live.
- Yes, there are. Humans mean stories, some have more than one...
- I'm keeping the long 'a'; Neel, stay well.
- You stay well too.