Baker's Brother's Letter

Hey Muna, how are you? I got that letter you sent the other day. Reading it made me feel very good. Many, many thanks.

Muna, I'm doing well here. I don't smoke bidis or cigarettes anymore—quit completely. I've become a gentleman, a complete gentleman. If you saw me now, you wouldn't treat me harshly anymore.

When I remember you, my heart burns terribly, Muna; I feel so bad somehow. It feels like heaven and hell are both burning together, turning to ash. Nothing feels good. When the heart longs to see its beloved and there's nothing to be done about it, the pain is unbearable.

Muna, you know, here every midnight there's a kind of stone-rain inside my chest. Stone-rain. That's when I understand you must be crying your heart out, remembering me. Why do you cry like this every night, Muna? Excessive crying is bad for eyes and heart. I drown in your tears, Muna. It hurts me; it hurts so much, Muna! I knew pain while living; now I see there's even more pain in being dead.

Love is a very, very bad thing, Muna! Once it grabs hold of someone, it doesn't let go easily—it destroys completely. Cigarettes are better than love, Muna; they don't destroy you quite so much. If you can, don't pay much attention to all that love-shove. Feelings grow wild when you give them attention. And... get married right away. You'd look absolutely beautiful in a wedding sari. Tell me, after all these years, still haven't you been able to forget me? Why haven't you been able to, Muna?

Every night, standing on the balcony, looking up at the sky, why do you search for me so desperately, Muna? I'm inside your heart, hiding in every neuron of your brain. What's the need for all this searching, Muna? You don't have to search so hard for dead people. Searching for dead people only brings pain. If you can, search for some living person, Muna!

Look at this—even after dying, I'm still quite alive in your heart! Such an amazing thing! Would you have remembered me like this if I hadn't died? Does anyone remember those who haven't died yet, Muna?

Those who say Baker is dead, they don't really know you, Muna. As long as you're alive, Baker will stay alive in your heart and soul! Even if you go to someone else's home, you'll take me with you; you won't be able to leave me behind. People are strange creatures—they don't keep the living with them, but they love to carry the dead around everywhere. Looking at you, I understand I must have been someone worth remembering once. Otherwise, you wouldn't remember me. Isn't that right, Muna?

But Muna, now let me come to the main point. There's a very high-quality poet named Aranyak Basu. I heard a beautiful poem of his. Can't remember the name. Can't remember the lines either, or I'd recite them to you. I may not understand much, but that poem had some deeply romantic stuff, talk of feelings. Even without Baker's education, I understand feelings just fine. Someone recited the poem to me, I liked hearing it. Found some wonderful things there, Muna.

In the next life, when we're both exactly sixteen years old, we'll fall in love again. All right, Muna? We couldn't manage it in this life, but in that life I'll gather courage and tell you all my love with my own mouth, Muna. No shame! Shame is very, very bad for the mind. Keeping so much shame doesn't help anything, Muna. People die, but the regret of shame stays alive. What's the point!

Another thing. You know, Muna, I feel so shy about speaking of love and such things. How people just blurt out their love when they fall for someone—I still don't understand. I can never say anything with my mouth. Big problem, you see, Muna... very big problem!

But that time, don't turn me away, Muna! Promise me you won't? Have some good conversations with me. Even if Baker is a bit flighty, there's a lot of pure love in his heart, Muna. Those who can't say things with their mouths know how to love deeply, you understand!

In that life, by the Padma's shore, we'll have a small tin-roofed house, even if it's broken down. When it rains, tin roofs make a strange sound, Muna. So lovely to hear! A few children and the whole house scattered with love and affection. Nothing but love and love all around! You'll be happy, Muna. Seeing you happy, I'll go mad with joy.

Every full moon night, soaking in moonlight, I'll sing to you... Hawa mein udta jaye... Listening to songs, you'll rest your head on my chest and fall asleep. Running my fingers through your hair, I'll proudly tell the moon in the sky, 'Look moon, look! In my broken house too, there's another moon like you that spreads moonlight every day...! Baker is a very happy man!'

What nonsense I've written! Deep, deep romantic talk! Even I feel shy now. When people fall in love, their heads really don't stay straight, Muna. Of course, a dead person's shame has no value! Except for memory, nothing about a dead person has any value!

Tell me, Muna, when will I see you again with these two eyes, with all my heart? I want so much to see you. In this heart, so much love, so much affection has accumulated for you. I didn't understand while living, Muna! We're such strange creatures—we understand everything, but we understand only after we've lost it.

In the next life, we'll meet, won't we, Muna? We really will, won't we? What's the point of Baker being born if he doesn't get Muna?