Anubrata, I'm writing to you. It's been four years since I last wrote. In these four years, the diary pages have changed so much, you weren't told. Through this long time, so many hours of my unseen life weren't shown to you.
My faithful letters no longer wait for tomorrow. The canvas is still there, yet there are no dreams on it, only the wound of living day by day.
Anubrata, do you remember the garden behind our house? I used to sit there waiting for you to come. With bluebells in hand, I'd gaze down the path...
Once you would come, with slow steps. Stealing my restless waiting gaze, breathing softly through the gaps in morning glory bushes, you'd touch me so gently... Do you remember, Anubrata? You loved bluebells.
I feel like crying so much, four years have passed, the tears won't end. Even now when I try to write to you, I cry! Why does this happen, Anubrata? I won't write anymore today...
Anubrata, are you leaving? Stay a little longer! In geometry class, abandoning Euclid, you'd glance at me sideways. Do you remember? Taking chalk from my hand and dipping it in a glass full of water. Then I'd tease you, calling you 'foolish one.'
You were such a good student, yet trying to explain math to me, you'd forget formulas! Even the simplest ones wouldn't come to your mind. Then I felt so wonderful. I didn't want to understand math, only to understand you. I wanted to laugh with tinkling sounds, wanted to sing. Isn't this called love, Anubrata?
I knew you kept getting caught in my gaze. Swimming, swimming in the ocean of my mischievous smile, you would spend an entire lifetime. I loved feeling you so deeply. Then, I didn't understand what an entire lifetime meant.
Are you thinking I've become quite wicked? Will you turn the page of my diary right now? Anubrata, I was wicked before too, I never let you understand. When you came before me, my world of understanding would empty, all my thoughts would disappear one by one.
I remember those classes, Anubrata. I'd draw quadrilaterals with three straight lines. You'd tap my head and say... how silly! Then I'd think, with three-sided quadrilaterals let's spend several lifetimes! Ah, how those eyes would fill with light! Everyone mocked. The class would laugh at me. I'd watch them, laugh too. In my mind I'd say, you may have gotten a hundred in math, but you didn't get Anubrata! ...What good did getting zero in math do me, Anubrata?
Today you are not here. Yet you remain in the rooms of my heart... I don't know why I'm writing so much to you today. Like those old days, I long to touch the blue of the sky. I want to become the dried jasmine in the fold of your book.
Today I speak of times that became memory. Even now when moonlight comes I soak my body as before, yet my heart won't soak. The pen stops, yet the diary page doesn't stay empty. No one comes anymore asking, will you read me some scattered poems? Anubrata, someone else owns my lungs today, yet you remain there, just unable to come out.
In all my hours you still live, playing and teasing with me, laughing. Tapping my head you say, why are you so silly? I stare at you and think, it's just one lifetime! What harm if I spend it foolishly?
Anubrata, why did you have to leave? Couldn't you have stayed? Leaving me alone, did you have to become a star in the sky! Are you truly so happy without me?