My young friends!
Stand on your own feet! Practice standing on your own feet!
When I was absolutely nobody, when hardly anyone gave me the time of day, even then I couldn’t bear the thought of asking anyone for favors for my own benefit. From the day I enrolled in my honors course until today, I have never taken a single penny from anyone in this world, never bowed my head to anyone for any favor. I have never asked anyone to “just make a phone call so my work gets done!” It has been my great fortune that to this day, I have never had to go before anyone with even the slightest discomfort or with my head bowed. To bow one’s head before someone means to sell oneself to them. Many people, you know, like to buy people under the pretense of helping them. They want someone to come and bow their head before them, seeking favors! Some people become obligated to fulfill their unjust, unreasonable demands. This too is a kind of slavery. What could be more shameful than this? As long as there is life in this body, I will keep trying with my last drop of blood to walk with my head held high.
I don’t remember ever asking anyone for tutoring work during my student days. I didn’t take a single taka from my first tutoring job just because they wanted to pay me less. (That story is in another piece of my writing.) Yet see, among my batchmates, no one earned more money from tutoring than I did. No one can stand before me and say they will get even a penny from me. There are many who can’t even answer my phone calls because they’re too ashamed of not being able to return the money they borrowed, though I might be calling simply to exchange pleasantries. What shame! What shame!! There were some friends who would ask for money at all times, in season and out. They took money from me even for going on picnics. Later they said, “Friend, can you give money for two people? My girlfriend also wants to go. I’ll pay you back later.” I was so astonished I couldn’t say anything, just gave them the money. On the day of the picnic, I saw that the girlfriend’s friend had also shown up! She had come thinking that since there would be cooking for so many people at the picnic, no one would mind if one extra person ate for free. I really wanted to see her boyfriend. I was suddenly curious to see which poor soul had ended up with such a shameless girl! I couldn’t say anything that day, just stared like a fool. I used to think girls preferred boys with character. That day I saw, no! Even such beggars have girlfriends! Not only that, they have shameless girlfriends who never go anywhere “empty-handed with shame”! When beautiful girls are shameless, looking at them makes you feel somehow shameless yourself! I had been looking at my friend during lunch. I hadn’t seen anyone in a long time gnashing their teeth with such supreme contentment, chewing chicken bones with his wife on someone else’s money.
I’ve also seen boys who take pocket money from friends month after month. If the friend gives a little less money some month, they even get upset about it! They act as if receiving charity is their right! Isn’t that strange? They can’t do tutoring, but there’s no end to their excuses. Even crippled beggars have more self-respect than such boys. The funny thing is, some foolish beauties fall in love with them too! Of course, if she weren’t foolish, why would a girl be beautiful? In matters of love, beautiful girls usually have haphazard preferences. Sometimes such boys even elope and get married. They don’t have the qualification to stand before the girl’s parents, but they have unlimited courage to marry secretly! Bravo! Clap your hands, clap clap!! Then he again extends his hand to some “moneyed” friend. Or says, “Get me a job, friend, I’m in big trouble!” He gets married, he’ll receive love, and someone else will provide the resources for that love! Shame! Didn’t he think before marriage about what he’d feed his wife? I won’t blame the girl. Girls are naturally foolish and emotional in these matters. Why did he take the girl’s hand knowing he couldn’t walk with his head held high while holding her hand? What could be greater irresponsibility than this? He talks of love without having the means to feed and clothe! I’ve seen many such people. I’ve helped them too. I’m speaking boldly because I’ve helped them. Otherwise I wouldn’t say anything. I have a personal principle: “I won’t let anyone who doesn’t feed me or clothe me say a single bad word about my personal life, no matter who they are!”
Truly speaking, they’re still the same way. Their job was to live by borrowing from everyone. Many have borrowed from me. I couldn’t say “no” easily, so I’d give money even knowing I wouldn’t get it back. My father has this problem too—he can’t say “no” either. Lending money with the expectation of getting it back is not really lending, it’s giving. Such foul types later behave as if I’m the one bothering them by asking for the money back. They won’t even answer the phone! Even when they do, they speak in an irritated tone. Many act as if they’ve completely forgotten about the money! The only true absent-minded person in this world is one who forgets about money owed to them. Once someone learns the bad habit of living on others’ money, the thought of earning money themselves doesn’t come easily to their mind. I’ve never seen such people go very far in life.
Why do you suddenly ask friends for money? You can say “no” to street beggars, but can you say it that way to friends? Even to refuse, you have to do it very politely. When a friend asks for money and you don’t have it, you feel guilty yourself. Don’t you understand all this? Take off your shirt and reach behind to check if your spine is still in the right place! When you go out on the street, don’t you see some rickshaw-pullers who have one hand missing, pulling rickshaws with the other? Don’t you see some laborers who have one leg missing, breaking bricks, carrying bricks on their heads supported by crutches? Next time you see someone like that, grab their only leg and say, “Brother, give me a kick in the face, maybe that will awaken some self-respect!”
Have you ever kept track of how many days your father secretly saved his lunch money to pay for your private tutoring fees so you wouldn’t have to face embarrassment in front of friends? How many long holidays have passed, yet your mother didn’t plead with her husband to take her somewhere for a trip, just so the saved money could be used for your studies? Aren’t you the child of those parents? Have you thought about how much it would hurt them if they knew about your begging habits? How can someone who lives by begging feed his parents? Don’t you want to ignite the fire within yourself? Doesn’t your father’s greatness touch you at all? Doesn’t your mother’s sacrifice make you cry with guilt?
In childhood, during festivals, no one except our father would buy clothes for us two brothers. This gave us a tremendous advantage—from that very childhood, when we hadn’t even learned to distinguish right from wrong, we at least learned this much: we couldn’t expect anything from anyone. If we wanted to enjoy something good, we had to buy it ourselves and enjoy it. The joy of living without expectations is different altogether! I grew up in that happiness. I might not have had beautiful clothes, but I couldn’t dishonor my father by asking others for beautiful clothes. I would use whatever I had in the most beautiful way possible. The greatest wealth I had in this world was my father’s poverty. There’s no joy like knowing that whatever I have, all of it is my own achievement! Maybe I had only one shirt, which I’d wear to class all day, wash in the evening, and dry and iron by the next morning to wear to class again. This worn clothing of mine was my precious ornament, my inability to afford luxury was my strength. If anyone said a single bad word about this, I could tear out their tongue, no matter who they were! So at one time I wouldn’t accept gifts from anyone; if someone wanted to give me something, I’d get annoyed. Nowadays I do accept them. That old stubbornness has diminished considerably. I don’t have the strength to ignore gifts of love. Let me tell you about my maternal uncle. When uncle went to study in Russia after passing HSC, he had only 2 shirts to wear outside. With those 2 shirts, uncle studied cheerfully. Now uncle is well-established. He has the capacity to buy all the shirts from a shirt company. Poverty that is embraced with a smile—wealth embraces such a person with a smile. Yes, for that you need hard work and luck.
If I had sold even the slightest bit of my self-respect, by now I would have had several flats, cars, and piles of money in American banks! I’ve spoken about that in another writing, so I won’t elaborate here. I’ve reached today’s position starting from absolute zero. There was a time when I had no money and went hungry, but I didn’t extend my hand to my father. No one can say that I ever asked anyone to make a phone call to anyone for building my position. The thought that someone else would do something for me using their influence because I couldn’t do anything with my own merit—even thinking this would have made my head sink into the dust with shame! Shame! What would they think of me? How would I stand and speak before them afterward? Why would I bother them for my own sake? Is this the punishment for getting to know me? Did I befriend someone whose shoelaces I’m not even worthy of for this selfish purpose? They’re not responsible for my misfortune, so why would I embarrass such a decent person? If necessary, I’d die of hunger, but I wouldn’t let anyone think anything dishonorable about my capabilities. I’ve always lived with this intense pride! I scored 0.5 marks less in the admission test and didn’t get a chance in class six at Collegiate, Chittagong’s most prestigious school. Given my father’s social position, just saying a word would have been enough. Father didn’t do that. Everyone said, “Sanjib Babu, if you just make a small request, your son can study at Collegiate.” Father replied, “He will study wherever his merit gets him a chance.” I couldn’t study at Collegiate School myself, so from that frustration of not getting in, I prepared my younger brother for Collegiate School; he came third in the admission test. Thanks to my father, he had given me the initiation from childhood on how to walk without being crippled. This proved very useful later. I believe that if even one candidate can pass an exam honestly, and if I can’t pass that exam, then that failure is entirely mine. If even one person gets a job based on their merit, and I’m given the opportunity to take that job exam, then I will definitely get that job! If I don’t get it on my own merit, I’ll assume that job isn’t in my destiny. My destiny must be somewhere else. I’ll build myself accordingly. I won’t remain attached to what’s beyond my reach. Not everyone can do everything. Even if I have to do a small job for this, I’m willing. I’ll adjust my lifestyle accordingly, because I’m only worthy of a small job. There’s no self-satisfaction, no glory, no honor in building one’s fortune by depending on others. Even slavery is better than this. What’s not built with blood isn’t fortune, it’s mercy. Death is preferable to living on mercy.
: Friend, listen to me, after college I’ll give you a lift, I’ll drop you at your house in my car.
: Get lost, man! Keep your lift! I won’t get in your father’s car, so how will you drop me off?
My little friends/fans/followers, This is the attitude! Let your friend manage on his father’s money, you don’t. To live with your head held high in life, you must learn to walk without bowing your head from a young age. If necessary, go hungry, but never eat even a burger on someone’s father’s money if you don’t have the ability or opportunity to buy him a burger another day. Grandfather’s name makes you an ass, father’s name makes you half, your own name makes you a prince. And in someone else’s father’s name, you’re a complete ass! Whatever you do in life, reach behind and check that your spine is in the right place! Before sitting in a restaurant, check if you have money in your pocket to pay the bill. The person who pays your bill, buys you chocolate, gives you car lifts, does your shopping, lets you use their mobile phone—they’re gradually buying you. Once you get into the bad habit of selling your self-respect, you’ll never be able to grow big in life. I can bet that even the desire will be destroyed. Don’t finish before life finishes. Keep trying even with your last drop of blood. Death is preferable to living with a bowed head. As long as you’re alive, never bow your head to anyone, never lick anyone’s feet, no matter what great king they might be! This habit must be formed at a young age. Never let your father become smaller than another’s father, even if your life depends on it. One day your father won’t be able to support you anymore. That day you’ll have to stand face to face with the world. How will you stand without the spine in your back?
Friends, please forgive me if my words hurt you after reading them. Best wishes for you and your families.
End—
From someone who was once like you.